Over The Rainbow

Last week, I brought up the subject of the latest attempt to federally ban gay marriage and the hypocrisy of many Republicans who call it "Defense of Marriage." It's hard to take these people seriously when they're involved in all these seedy sex scandals of their own, but what about regular folk? According to polls, the majority of this country opposes gay marriage and not all of them are a bunch of crooked, hypocritical politicians, so maybe we should ban it? That's one way to look at it... that way being the wrong one.

To this day, with all of the controversy and all of the back and forth arguments between gay marriage, civil unions, constitutional amendments and all that, I have still never heard a single logical argument against gay marriages. Please, I'm begging you, if you have a logical argument against gay marriage, leave it in a comment below because I'd love to hear it and then tell you why you're so horribly wrong. There is no reason for this to be an issue and it's just absurd that it even has to enter the public discourse. One, if you're not gay, who cares? This doesn't affect you in any way, shape or form so shut the fuck up. But since "shut the fuck up" doesn't enter the public policy dialogue very often, I'm going to run down the list of common arguments against gay marriage and then rip them to shreds:

-The Bible says it's wrong!
Well, the Bible says lots of things, like how you can not only own a slave, but beat them as badly as you'd like without killing them in the process. But I understand, your religion of choice opposes gay marriage and therefore they shouldn't have to perform a marriage between two men or two women, fair enough. Unfortunately, most people are too dense to realize that marriage isn't just a religious joining of two people before the eyes of God - it's a legal contract. I could go down to the courthouse on Monday morning and get married, but a gay person can't - that's wrong. A church has every right to deny something that goes against their beliefs, but the government has no religion and it's wrong to deny a group of citizens something that anyone else can get.

-Marriage is sacred!
Says who? If you take a look around lately, you'll see that it's anything but. Our society has a 50% divorce rate, we have TV shows like Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire, and celebrities get married at lunch and are divorced by dinner, where's the sacred part come in?

-Gay Couples can't have children!
Well then straight people who are infertile or sterile aren't allowed to marry either. If they are already married and become sterile, they must divorce immediately. And of course, this argument is complete bullshit because of things like adoption and in vitro fertilization. Which leads us to...

-Children need a mother and father!
Then every single parent must have their children removed and placed into protective custody immediately. Don't give me that shit that gay couples can't raise children - they can, they do and in many instances, do it better than straight couples. You see, gay couples can't physically have children, so when they adopt or go through other methods, it's because they genuinely want children, unlike a lot of straight couples who forget to put a condom on. Who would you rather have raise children, two people who have to jump numerous hurdles from the government just so they can love their child or two people who weren't planning on having kids, but had an accident and now they have to?

-Gay marriage will lead to bestiality and pedophilia becoming acceptable lifestyles!
Fuck you sideways with a rusty corkscrew. I've actually heard people say this and if you subscribe to this notion, then just do us all a favor and blow your fucking brains out. Homosexual marriage, like their hetero counterparts, occurs between two grown adults signing a contract. Anyone who says it's going to lead to "human-dog" marriage doesn't understand that animals can't sign contracts or give consent and neither can children. It's sad that this point even needs to be countered because it tries to lump homosexuality in with these two things when they're not even remotely comparable. Anyone who says anything like this does not belong in the public discourse and I'm ashamed to share a planet with them.

-But it's a state's right to ban gay marriage!
It shouldn't be. If you're straight and you get married in Utah, that marriage counts in New Mexico, Hawaii, Alabama and the other 46 states. If you're gay and you live in one of the very few places that allow gay marriage, it's null and void if you move out of that state. That's bullshit. Marriage is something guaranteed to every straight adult in this country regardless of race or religion - shit, in some states they let you marry your fucking cousin! But not if you're gay. How's that for a sacred institution - it's perfectly legal to marry your first cousin in Alabama or Georgia, but can't have any of those gays running around getting hitched!

-Okay... but can't we just call them "Civil Unions?"
No, fuck you. How would you like it if someone called what you did in your bedroom a "civil union?" Civil Union... we ended that kind of nonsense forty years ago when it was called "separate but equal." Let me guess, you want gays to drink from a different water fountain than you too?

Sorry kids, but outside of various religious dogma, there are no arguments against gay marriage. I hate to sound like a broken record, but we have that neat little separation of church and state so that the government can't make laws based on religious belief. This illogical intolerance of homosexuals is not unlike what we saw during the height of segregation and Jim Crow - the violence is toned down (slightly), but the attitude is still there. Is this really the kind of society you want to live in where it's okay to exclude others just because you're uncomfortable by the thought of boys kissing? Grow the fuck up.