Sunday, August 31, 2008


I'm sure you're expecting a huge rant on McCain's selection of Sarah "who?" Palin as his running mate on Friday, and trust me, I have plenty to say about it. So much it will probably be enough for a weekly blog just about her from now until the elections on November 4. But you know what, there's plenty of time to go off on one of the most insulting political moves in history, I have something else I need to get off my chest that's actually even worse. Seriously, leave it to the Republicans to be the most offensive group of people in America.

Before I get to that (pardon my ADD-ridden train of thought here), did you see the Democratic Convention this week? I hope you at least caught some of it, of course the major networks only covered an hour each night, which is pretty pathetic considering there's nothing good on television right now anyway. Seriously, are reruns of Ugly Betty more important than the fate of the free world? Anyway, if nothing else, I hope you at least caught the speeches from Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Joe Biden and Barack Obama, which were all absolutely fantastic. The whole week just seemed to be building up to something big and by the time Obama delivered his amazing speech, it was like the perfect ending to such a beautiful moment in our nation's history.

And hey, don't just take my word for it, staunch conservative, ex-presidential candidate and resident crazy old guy, Pat Buchanan called it the "greatest convention speech in history." If you saw the speech, if you've ever seen any political convention, you know that Pat speaks the honest truth. Barack Obama, love him or hate him, gave one of the all-time greatest speeches Thursday night and truly made me feel like we could take this country back. I haven't been this inspired or excited about my country in a long time and after eight years of the worst president ever, I was really starting to lose hope.

But this blog isn't about Obama's awe-inspiring moment, it's about the Republican reaction. Hours after the speech was over, the McCain campaign responded by saying they might have to delay the Republican Convention that is supposed to start on Monday in Minnesota. Why? Their excuse is Hurricane Gustav, which is threatening to remind the world of the colossal fuck-up that was the Bush administration's response to Hurricane Katrina three years ago. Here's a quote from John McCain:

"But you know it just wouldn't be appropriate to have a festive occasion while a near-tragedy or a terrible challenge is presented in the form of a natural disaster... we're monitoring it from day to day, and I'm saying a few prayers, too."

Oh good, he's praying. Nice little empty gesture that requires no actual work. You know John, if your prayer goes unanswered and this Hurricane strikes New Orleans, you might have to consider the fact that God doesn't listen to your prayers. He's probably a little peeved that you tried to insult the intelligence of every woman in America with your horrible VP pick... but again, that's a story for another day.

Actually, the part that really bugs me is the "wouldn't be appropriate to have a festive occasion while a near-tragedy or terrible challenge is presented..." oh really, Senator? Do you remember in my last blog when I posted a picture of McCain and Bush sharing a cake? If not, here it is again:

That picture was taken on August 29, 2005, exactly three years ago this past Friday. They were celebrating John McCain's 69th birthday, eating cake and one could say being "festive." You know what else happened on August 29, 2005? Hurricane Katrina ravaged New Orleans. So when John McCain tells you that it wouldn't be "appropriate" to be festive, what he means is he doesn't want to take the chance of being ripped apart for once again being out of touch and ignorant to the suffering of others. If Katrina had never hit, there would be absolutely no discussion of this convention being delayed and you'd likely see the exact same response to Gustav that you saw to Katrina.

Just like people are seeing through your political pandering with your VP pick, they'll see through this too, Senator. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't in this situation and you know what? You reap what you sow. This is what you get for selling out your "maverick" status by aligning yourself with the Bush Administration just to achieve your selfish desire to be president. You literally had a "let them eat cake" moment during the biggest national disaster in the nation's history with the president who sat on his hands. The beauty of the Katrina aftermath was that it was when the nation woke up and realized that George W. Bush is the worst president this country has ever seen. His presidency went from "mandate" to "lame duck" in a matter of days and he'll go down in the history books as a footnote as a result.

So by all means, try to salvage your campaign by delaying your convention. Lord knows you don't want to follow the Democratic Convention after that speech Obama gave Thursday night, because there will certainly be no comparison. You'll look like an aging grandpa telling kids about the good ol' days while the bright young star tells Americans how we can rescue our country from these disastrous eight years we've had under George Bush, who you voted with 90% of the time. But know this, if you do delay the convention, you won't erase the memories of Bush's utter failure to respond to the horrible disaster that was Hurricane Katrina and you certainly won't keep people from drawing the parallels to today.

Just to show the irony in this situation, some folks over at lunatic evangelical group "Focus on the Family" came out a few weeks ago and told their followers to "pray for rain" in Denver during Obama's outdoor acceptance speech. Of course, we now know the clouds stayed clear despite their childish actions, but now it looks like this storm is going to strike right at the start of the Republican Convention. You know, for the party that constantly runs on "faith," maybe the Republicans ought to consider that God doesn't like being exploited for political gain.

Just to really hammer this point home of how much John McCain only cares about people when he's running for president, he voted "NO" on the
Hurricane Health Care for Survivors Amendment, which would have provided Disaster Relief Medicaid to victims of Hurricane Katrina. Remember that when the Republicans exploit this story and call for everyone to "pray for the victims of Gustav" during the convention.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Posers 4 McCain

So have you heard this shit about "PUMA: Party Unity My Ass" or "Clintons4McCain"? Despite her amazing speech last night, it looks like Hillary Clinton supporters are backing John McCain, this could pose a lot of huge problems for Barack Obama!

...Which would be something to worry about if it wasn't just a bunch of Republican posers in disguise. Turns out, it's just another scheme from Karl Rove's (McCain adviser) bag of tricks. member, Anne Franklin contributed $500 to Bob Dole in 1999, $500 to Elizabeth Dole in 1999 and $1000 to good ol' George W. Bush in 1999. I wish I could be so clever to make this stuff up, but sadly, it's true.

Oh wait, there's more! Clintons4McCain founder, Cristi Adkins had no connection Hillary Clinton's campaign until May 16 of this year, when it was pretty much all said and done for the former first lady. Adkins' husband is a fellow by the name of Burke Allen, who owns right-wing talk station WMOV-AM. It's like they're not even trying to hide this.

And just to show how flat out pathetic and desperate the Republicans are, the Republican National Committee (RNC), have registered the domain ""

Here's the deal, the Republicans know that their candidate this year is laughably bad. A 72 year old white man from Arizona who cheated on his crippled first wife to marry a rich beer heiress. He doesn't know how many houses he owns, he doesn't know who we're fighting in Iraq, he's flip-flopped on every major issue he ever stood for and he has the Republican base about as excited as a small child when they open up their Christmas presents to find a pair of jeans and a new sweater.

The Republicans know that John McCain cannot and will not win this election on his own merit, so their only option is to make you vote for "Not Barack Obama." If they can smear, distort and flat-out lie about Obama enough, they know they can make the average American afraid of him because he's "different" - "Different," of course being Republican code for "Black." Of course ignoring the fact that McCain has voted 90% of the time in line with George W. Bush, the president who has done more harm to our national security than any president in history. The president that took the biggest surplus of all-time and turned it into the biggest deficit of all-time, leading to higher unemployment rates, home foreclosures, banks collapsing, and a flat-out economic recession. McCain said our economy is "fundamentally strong" - tell that to Cincinnati, Ohio with the highest unemployment rate since 1992 (right after twelve years of Republican presidents). Tell that to the rest of Ohio, which has topped the Forbes' list of "America's Fastest Dying-Cities."

Putting candles on would have raised the terrorist threat level to "Orange."

No, John McCain cannot win as the candidate that is right for America, he can only win on the premise of not being this "scary" new guy that wants to restore America's standing in the world, end pointless wars, provide you with the fundamental right to health care and get us out of this economic abyss. The Republican Party and their dirty politics is exactly what's killing America and as long as Americans keep falling for it, they'll get what they voted for.

Friday, August 22, 2008


I've been listening to a lot of Sean Hannity lately, probably because I'm a masochist, and I keep hearing him talk about Barack Obama being "the most liberal senator" and that really bugs me. You see, in our current political climate, you always hear the right-wing talk about those wacky liberals on the far left that want to murder your babies and kill Jesus, but are there any truly liberal politicians out there?

You certainly hear about them all the time, but the "far left" in terms of American government isn't really all that liberal. The extreme right has far more influence than the extreme left. In American politics, it is perfectly acceptable to go as far to the right, but Liberals who are really more in the middle than anything are labeled as "commie socialists." Look at Obama, he's not really THAT liberal, but I see lots of people running around calling him a "Marxist." This is how pathetic our national dialogue has become - when a guy goes around saying maybe we shouldn't just go out and bomb every country we don't like and suggests that we provide health care to our citizens (you know, like every other civilized nation on the planet), he's suddenly labeled a "socialist liberal."

Meanwhile, you can go out there and run on a platform that conception begins at the moment of ejaculation, everyone should be armed, retarded people should be executed, gay people can't get married or adopt, prayer should be in school, the Ten Commandments should be in the courthouse, free speech should be more restricted, children must be shielded from everything, we should bomb every country that gets in our way, "you're with us or against us" in terms of foreign policy, no assisted suicide, harsher punishments for non-violent drug offenders, and you can not only have a successful political career, you can be president... and get re-elected.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

President McCain

Yep, you read the title right... and I might as well just get used to it because John McCain probably will be the next president of the United States. Sucks, I know, but it's going to happen. Here's why:

Americans are fucking morons.

Last weekend, McCain and Obama participated in a "forum" hosted by pastor Rick Warren to discuss "faith-based issues." So much for that whole no religious test clause in the Constitution. While Obama gave articulate, well-thought out, detailed responses to the questions, the crowd remained silent; meanwhile, McCain gives the most infantile bullshit answers possible and the crowd erupts into thunderous applause. I'll give you an example: Warren asked McCain something to the effect of "What do we do about evil in our world?" McCain's response, "Defeat it."

Seriously, Senator? Defeat it? It's so childish, it's so over the top ridiculous, it's pandering at its highest level and people just gobble the shit up. He furthered his answer with "I will follow Osama bin Laden to the gates of hell!" Okay, so you've made a soundbite, but Senator, you can't actually go to hell. If there is a hell, I'm sure you'll end up there, but right now, you just sound like a fucking idiot. McCain used to be a man I respected so much, a legitimate guy that was above George W. Bush nonsense, but in the last four years, he's just completely sold out, all so he can be president.

Enjoy four or eight years of President McCain, because it's probably going to happen and there's nothing rational-thinking Americans can do about it. We're far too small of a minority now and we've completely lost our country to religious lunatics, corporate interests and overall dumb motherfuckers. At the very least, four more years of this bullshit gives me something to write about, but that's assuming I'll be able to afford to keep my lights on after gas rises to $47 a gallon. Maybe I'll start blogging on legal pads and post them throughout the town square... like the pioneers blogged!

Monday, August 4, 2008

Katy Perry Can Kiss My Ass (And She'll Like It)

If you know me, you know it's more than just politics that piss me off - so this will be the first entry in the blog related to pop culture. I've wanted to write about this kind of stuff for awhile, but nothing really bugged me enough; it's been an awesome summer for movies with Iron Man, The Hulk and of course, The Dark Knight all kicking lots of ass. Really, how can I bitch about movies when The Dark Knight is likely going to become the second-highest grossing movie in history? How can I bitch about TV when reality shows have started dying off in favor of nerdtastic programming like Heroes and Lost, engaging dramas like The Shield and Damages and WWE having its best year in over a decade?

But then, after a trip to Louisville this weekend and venturing out to nightclubs (ewww), a certain noise infected my ears everywhere I went. Something so horrible that it made me spend obscene amounts of money on liquor just so I could get drunk enough to tolerate it - kinda like beer goggles for the ears, or "beerphones" (patent pending) - and that was Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl."

Now I heard about this song awhile ago and have been deliberately avoiding it, initially because I thought it was a cover of the Jill Sobule song and that would have been a fucking sacrilige, but luckily that wasn't the case. The Jill Sobule song is brilliant, funny and legitimately charming, the Katy Perry song is juvenile, simple and borderline retarded. It should be banned from many radio stations like Sobule's song was, Perry's version being banned not due to content, just because it's fucking horrible.

See, in 1995, Jill Sobule's version of the song was banned from many radio stations due to its "controversial" lyrics because thirteen years ago, lesbians were taboo. Nowadays, anytime some dumb bitch shoves her tongue down some other chick's throat, they'll immediately have a dozen simple-minded men gathering around. These are the kind of girls that love to say they're "bi," but really it just means they're not afraid to kiss another girl in a bar, but meanwhile look down upon people that are legitimately gay. Look, I'm all for chicks making out and, but let's be honest, it jumped the shark when Granny Madonna licked Britney Spears' face on MTV five years ago, which was Madonna's way of saying, "See! I can still be relevant!"

Girls kissing is not edgy anymore and it means one of two things: no one is buying your shitty album or no one is paying attention to you at the bar. Katy Perry's song is essentially both, an anthem for boring whores who rely on cheap tactics to get dumb guys to look at them and the only way this broad is ever going to have some sort of a recording career. Ever see Perry try to perform live? I don't recommend it because your ears will commit suicide. So what do you do when you have no talent but are marginally attractive? It used to be, you would get into modeling, but now with ProTools and other audio software that can make you sound like you have some ability to sing, you too can be a one hit wonder!

Yeah yeah, I know pop music sucks. It's such an easy target that normally I wouldn't even mention it, but this song in particular just really bugs me because it's so cheap and easy. It's lowest common denominator entertainment that presents itself as something that's taboo when it's anything but. Roseanne Barr kissed a chick on television in 1994, that was edgy, Katy Perry is just writing a song about what childish sorority girls do to get free drinks.