Friday, April 9, 2010

Sarah Palin vs. Reality: Episode 8,912

Yeah, I'm back, it's been awhile (over six months), but honestly, I've been so disgusted with the political dialogue in this country lately, I had to step away for a bit. Luckily, as Republicans get crazier, my patience wears thin and I just have to get a few things off my chest. And no one can wear down my patience faster than good ol' Sarah Palin and her never-ending supply of pure bullshit.

A little backstory to the latest Palin nonsense: as you may have heard, President Obama recently signed a nuclear weapons treaty that decreases our stockpile, but still leaves us with enough warheads to vaporize every man, woman and child on the planet about ten times over. Naturally, the Republican Party pissed their pants over this, because you never know, we might need to bomb Iran, North Korea, Afghanistan, every other nation on the planet, the moon, Mars, and the Na'vi on Pandora a few hundred times. Obviously, Sarah Palin had to weigh in on the issue since she has her open forum on Fox News everyday and she wasn't pleased. President Obama was recently asked about her comments, and gave a simple answer, "Sarah Palin is not much of an expert on nuclear issues." I'm sure the "liberal" media will say he was being "elitist" and "dismissive," but what he said was 100% accurate, Sarah Palin can't even pronounce the word "nuclear," and no, that wasn't a joke, she really can't.

Unsurprisingly, Sarah Palin had to respond to Obama's response, and she told the Southern Republican Leadership Conference (lol) this:

"all that vast nuclear expertise he acquired as a community organizer, a part-time senator, and a full-time candidate for president."

Ah yes, the old community organizer meme, going into the Palin Greatest Hits catalog! That may still strike a chord with her audience, but for those of us living in reality, she may want to think twice before traveling to 2008 for her talking points.

Republicans love to attack Obama for never having a "real job," but they tend to leave out the parts where he was a professor at the University of Chicago Law School for 12 years and a civil rights attorney for six years. Sarah Palin? Local media broadcaster, Jesus Christ, I've had that job!

As for "part-time senator," again, that may have struck a chord in 2008, but considering the fact that Obama only left his senate position to become the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, she doesn't really have much of a leg to stand on anymore. Especially since, ya know, she couldn't even finish a single term as governor of Alaska. Barack Obama left the senate to become president, Sarah Palin abandoned her state to go work for Fox News.

And then "full-time candidate for president," once again ignoring the fact that he now is THE PRESIDENT. This may be news to Palin, but we had an election and everything, she even ran with the guy that lost to Obama, but yeah, the guy is the democratically elected President of America. No, not South America... and no, South America isn't just one country, Mrs. Palin, Barack Obama is the President of the United States of America, your "real America" included.

So, now that we're more than one year into Barack Obama's term as president, he not only has more of that "executive experience" that she talked so much about in 2008, he also has more "nuclear expertise" than Governor Quitter. President Obama currently has the nuclear football, the briefcase with all the launch codes for our nuclear warheads. If he wanted, he could wipe any country off the map before you could say, "you betcha by golly gosh geez!" I'm sorry, once you're the guy who has his finger on the button, you can't get much more "nuke-u-lar expertise."

If only this nimrod had a chance of getting out of a primary in 2012, she's the funniest damn thing to ever happen to American politics. A national embarrassment, sure, but really, really funny.

Barack Obama (R-IL)

Stock market: highest numbers since 08.

Retail businesses: best numbers in a decade.

March: highest job growth in three years.

Nuclear weapons: Ronald Reagan wanted a nuclear-free world, we're taking steps toward that.

Drill baby, drill: now we're drilling offshore.

Why are Republicans so pissed off? Barack Obama is the best Republican president we've ever had!