Sarah Palin doesn't have maps

Remember Miss South Carolina? Back in 2007, she was asked during the Miss Teen USA Pageant why one-fifth of Americans can't find the United States on a map. Her response:

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some . . . people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over HERE in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children"

Today, during her bus trip to nowhere, Sarah Palin was asked about Paul Revere's ride. Her response:

“He who warned, uh, the, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringin’ those bells and, um, makin’ sure as he’s ridin’ his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that, uh, we were gonna be secure and we were gonna be free and we were gonna be armed.”

The difference between the two? Miss South Carolina was publicly humiliated and went on The Amazing Race, Sarah Palin, however, is one of the most influential figures in our politics and media and is treated like a legitimate candidate for the presidency. And she's complete moron. We'd probably be better off with Miss South Carolina, at least she's traveled outside of the United States before.

Sarah Palin vs. Reality: Episode 8,912

Yeah, I'm back, it's been awhile (over six months), but honestly, I've been so disgusted with the political dialogue in this country lately, I had to step away for a bit. Luckily, as Republicans get crazier, my patience wears thin and I just have to get a few things off my chest. And no one can wear down my patience faster than good ol' Sarah Palin and her never-ending supply of pure bullshit.

A little backstory to the latest Palin nonsense: as you may have heard, President Obama recently signed a nuclear weapons treaty that decreases our stockpile, but still leaves us with enough warheads to vaporize every man, woman and child on the planet about ten times over. Naturally, the Republican Party pissed their pants over this, because you never know, we might need to bomb Iran, North Korea, Afghanistan, every other nation on the planet, the moon, Mars, and the Na'vi on Pandora a few hundred times. Obviously, Sarah Palin had to weigh in on the issue since she has her open forum on Fox News everyday and she wasn't pleased. President Obama was recently asked about her comments, and gave a simple answer, "Sarah Palin is not much of an expert on nuclear issues." I'm sure the "liberal" media will say he was being "elitist" and "dismissive," but what he said was 100% accurate, Sarah Palin can't even pronounce the word "nuclear," and no, that wasn't a joke, she really can't.

Unsurprisingly, Sarah Palin had to respond to Obama's response, and she told the Southern Republican Leadership Conference (lol) this:

"all that vast nuclear expertise he acquired as a community organizer, a part-time senator, and a full-time candidate for president."

Ah yes, the old community organizer meme, going into the Palin Greatest Hits catalog! That may still strike a chord with her audience, but for those of us living in reality, she may want to think twice before traveling to 2008 for her talking points.

Republicans love to attack Obama for never having a "real job," but they tend to leave out the parts where he was a professor at the University of Chicago Law School for 12 years and a civil rights attorney for six years. Sarah Palin? Local media broadcaster, Jesus Christ, I've had that job!

As for "part-time senator," again, that may have struck a chord in 2008, but considering the fact that Obama only left his senate position to become the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, she doesn't really have much of a leg to stand on anymore. Especially since, ya know, she couldn't even finish a single term as governor of Alaska. Barack Obama left the senate to become president, Sarah Palin abandoned her state to go work for Fox News.

And then "full-time candidate for president," once again ignoring the fact that he now is THE PRESIDENT. This may be news to Palin, but we had an election and everything, she even ran with the guy that lost to Obama, but yeah, the guy is the democratically elected President of America. No, not South America... and no, South America isn't just one country, Mrs. Palin, Barack Obama is the President of the United States of America, your "real America" included.

So, now that we're more than one year into Barack Obama's term as president, he not only has more of that "executive experience" that she talked so much about in 2008, he also has more "nuclear expertise" than Governor Quitter. President Obama currently has the nuclear football, the briefcase with all the launch codes for our nuclear warheads. If he wanted, he could wipe any country off the map before you could say, "you betcha by golly gosh geez!" I'm sorry, once you're the guy who has his finger on the button, you can't get much more "nuke-u-lar expertise."

If only this nimrod had a chance of getting out of a primary in 2012, she's the funniest damn thing to ever happen to American politics. A national embarrassment, sure, but really, really funny.

The Cult

No, I'm not talking about the kickass rock band that gave us tunes like "Fire Woman" or "She Sells Sanctuary," I'm talking about the Republican Party, which is beginning to resemble something along the lines of Heaven's Gate. You remember that, right? The crazy people who all killed themselves because they were going to hitch a ride on the Hale-Bopp Comet? Let's contrast and compare for a moment:

Heaven's Gate:
"It is also possible that part of our test of faith is our hating this world, even our flesh body, to the extent to be willing to leave it without any proof of the Next Level's existence."

Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann (R-Arkham Asylum):
"This [health care reform] cannot pass…What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass. We will do whatever it takes to make sure this doesn’t pass…Right now, we are looking at reaching down the throat and ripping the guts out of freedom."

Remember, people voted for this woman, they elected her to public office to represent them in congress. Seriously. And really, slit their wrists and become blood brothers? Does Michelle Bachmann worship Satan? That would certainly explain how she was elected...

And it's not just one crazy person, take a look around at the Republican Party today, it's nothing but frothing-at-the-mouth psychopaths. Let's ignore all the misinformed idiots at all these town hall meetings and focus on the people who actually wield some sort of authority in this country.

How about Louisiana Governor, Bobby Jindal, who claims he performed an exorcism on a young woman when he was in college? I've brought it up before, but it is a 100% true story, it's not some birther-esque conspiracy, Jindal himself has claimed that he performed an exorcism. I have to repeat that one more time - a sitting governor, an elected official, not only believes in the idea of exorcisms, he thinks he's performed one.

Then there's George W. Bush, who sent 4,000 brave men and women to die (and countless others to come back maimed), because God told him to invade Iraq. A twice-elected (well, one and half times elected) president started a war because "God" told him. I don't find that troubling that as an almost-atheist, I find it troubling in the same way that it disturbs me when I see a crazy person muttering about God as he stumbles down an alley. Yeah, we elected THAT guy to be president.

How about Representative John Shimkus (R-IL) who says we don't need to worry about climate change because only God decides when the world ends? That's right, ignore all the science and trash the place because it's not going to matter when God splits open the heavens and sends the Four Horsemen to destroy the world. Sounds like someone's interested in a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Then of course, there's Sarah Palin, who belongs to a church that can "pray the gay away" and allows "Pastor" Thomas Muthee to come preach. Palin claims she wouldn't have been elected governor had Muthee not "laid hands" upon her, as he prayed for Jesus to bless her with wealth and protect her from witches. Literal witches, broomstick-riding, cauldron-brewing WITCHES.

I know I've mentioned all these over the last few months in previous entries, but when I compile them all together, can you actually look at it and take these people seriously? It's not just them, there are many more loonies in the party and even more nutjobs that support them, so honestly, please tell me how this party has any credibility?

If I were to sit you down and tell you about a group of people whose leaders believed in witches, exorcisms, a supernatural apocalypse, thought God was speaking directly to them and then called on their members to slit their wrists and become blood brothers, what would you think? Republican Party? Religious cult? Is there really even a difference at this point?

Frustration

It's been two weeks since I've written anything, mainly because our current political climate has devolved into mind-numbing stupidity. Glenn Beck said the president has a "deep-seated hatred for white people," and joked about poisoning the Speaker of the House (all while his advertisers took their money and ran). Senator Chuck Grassley suggested that folks turn to Jesus Christ for "end of life counseling." And Sarah Palin emerged from the unemployment line to insinuate that President Obama wants to murder her Down Syndrome baby.

Ah yes, Citizen Avon Lady and her mythical "death panels," all this just a couple weeks after ordering the media to "quit making stuff up." In the latest round of Palin exploiting her children for political gain, she sold the idea that if we had a government-run health care system, the handicapped, the sick and the elderly will have the proverbial plug pulled on them. Of course, this is 100% false, but the "liberal media" (lol), in their quest to always look "objective," took the bait and actually reported on this nonsense.

It really is infuriating to watch a serious political debate get hijacked by the LOUD NOISES crowd. People like Sarah Palin have nothing to add to the discussion, so they play to their base of ignorant, uninformed numbskulls to make people scared of health care reform. This is true, someone actually stood up in one of these infamous town hall scream-a-thons and said "KEEP YOUR DAMN GOVERNMENT HANDS OFF MY MEDICARE!" This is the type of idiot that Sarah Palin is talking to. Now that may make me sound like one of those elitist lefties, but here's the deal: if you actually believe that "death panels" will be a part of health care reform, you don't get to talk. You clearly have no idea what's going on and you will add nothing to the discussion, so shut up and actually read something not from redstate.com or Sarah Palin's Facebook page.

We've let loudmouth morons like Beck, Palin, Limbaugh, Grassley and the residents of Wingnuttia dictate the direction of the health care debate. Because they began frothing at the mouth, the end of life consultations have been removed from the health care bill. That's right, the same people who called for federal interference in the Terri Schiavo debacle don't want you to have access to a consultation about a living will. That's all the "death panels" are, compensating doctors for talking to their patients about an optional living will. So in the unfortunate event that you or a loved one are unable to make a decision about treatment, your wishes will be carried out.

I have it on good authority that Sarah Palin's next Facebook note will be about how you shouldn't be an organ donor, because it's really just a government conspiracy to harvest your organs! Seriously though, the elimination of the end of life provisions is a very dangerous precedent. The spineless cowards in the Democratic Party have once again bent to the will of the lunatic fringe on the ultra far-right. By not standing their ground on this, their fillibuster-proof majority is worthless, all it takes is yelling and screaming from people who have no clue what they're talking about to shut down a bill. That's the Democratic Party I know, blowing the lead in the bottom of the 9th with two outs and no one on base.

Sonia v. Sarah

Don't worry, this one isn't mine, it's just the most brilliant skewering of GOP Frankenstein that I've ever read. Why is it that the same Republicans that have such an issue with Sonia Sotomayor are Sarah Palin's biggest fans?

I used to think that, after the debacle of the Bush years, the train wreck of Sarah Palin and the Obama rout, the Republican Party would recover its sanity and regroup. Clearly, I was wrong. People who argue that Sarah Palin is good for America while Sonia Sotomayor is a threat are obviously out of their minds.

Ouch. You can read the full column right here

"Liberal Media" Strikes Again!

Take a look at this picture of Sarah Palin, soon to be former governor of Alaska. The biggest loss from that news is that I won't get to call her "Governor Avon Lady" anymore, but according to Time Magazine, I guess I should start calling her "The Renegade." Yeah, that pesky "liberal media" is at it again, tearing down poor Sarah Palin by giving her all sorts of press, taking photos of her looking all nifty on a pier and giving her a super cool moniker like "Renegade." Lorenzo Lamas' career is spinning in its grave.

How does Webster's Dictionary define the term "renegade?"

an individual who rejects lawful or conventional behavior

Well, I guess considering her numerous ethics complaints and the fact that she's out of her goddamn mind, maybe Time is onto something. But that's the literal definition, the media is portraying this as some sort of brilliant scheme that's prepping her for the 2012 election, they're even saying she's taking "the road less traveled," like she's the subject of a friggin' Robert Frost poem. Trust me, Quitty McGee ain't that deep. "Renegade" implies some sort of badass trait, something that sets her apart from the pack, puh-lease.

Sarah Palin is not a renegade, she's not all "mavericky," she's just another Republican. Someone tried to tell me the other day that she's the "new flavor" of politics... apparently the only flavor that person is familiar with is mushrooms because you'd have to be high to believe it. Sarah Palin is plain old Republican vanilla with a couple colorful sprinkles on top, she's the culmination of everything that's sucked about the Republican Party since Nixon. Take your pick: ethically corrupt, moral superiority, extreme arrogance, shallow, greedy, condescending, out of touch, privacy-invading, anti-intellectual, anti-science, anti-civil liberties, pro-war, and most important of all, a hypocrite. Sarah Palin takes all the worst qualities of the Republican Party and rolls it into one winking package.

Yes, she's worse than Bush. Say what you will about W, but "quitter" would never enter the discussion. After all the memos that have been released, I honestly have a bit of sympathy for Bush these days. Sure, he's still the worst president ever, but he just seems so gullible and naive, there's almost this innocent quality about him. I feel like W was a decent human being who thought he was doing good, but was surrounded by cretins like Cheney, Rumsfeld, Gonzalez, etc.

Palin, on the other hand, is all of Bush's worst qualities, mixed with the political ambition of Karl Rove and all the other criminals. She's dumb as a rock (apologies to rocks), a Jesus™ freak, and someone who thinks with her gut rather than her pea-sized brained like Bush; but then she's also a master manipulator, vindictive and just plain nasty like ol' Turd Blossom.

Renegade? Hardly. This woman is the GOP's Frankenstein.

Bailin' Palin

Because one blog just isn't enough to celebrate this glorious occasion. I've gotten a bit of negative feedback on my comments about the soon ex-governor of Alaska, had my mental state called into question and have been mocked for writing a blog by another blogger. Seriously. Since you probably have a life, I'm sure you missed the Wingnut Defense Fund (WDF) come out and express their support for Sarah Palin abandoning the people of Alaska. Apparently resigning with 17 months to go in your first term is a good thing, who knew?

I have to admit, I was somewhat surprised by all these apologists coming out of the woodwork, Republicans typically throw their people under the bus at the first sign of trouble: Bobby Jindal was quickly forgotten after that abysmal speech he gave a few months back, everyone's so disappointed Mark Sanford's job after he went hiking the Appalachian Trail (my new favorite euphemism), Rush Limbaugh even said "he could've been our JFK," all but admitting that it was over for South Carolina's governor; but they're not willing to give up Sarah Palin. Oh no, even though she gave a mind-numbing, incoherent speech loaded with bullshit and hypocrisy, the Palin-drones just can't let it go. Like someone about to lose a family member, I believe these poor souls have entered the Five Stages of Grief. Sadly, most of them are stuck in the first two stages, anger & denial. Just find any political discussion on the internet, you'll see what I mean.

But speaking of denial, I did want to share one hilarious quote that I just read a few moments ago. This is from someone trying to convince me that Sarah Palin is a great speaker who actually has a clue what she's talking about:

"I've listened to her speak. She is able to communicate well regarding most any topic that is thrown at her, better than most politicians."

Pardon me while I burst into uncontrollable laughter. I've listened to her speak quite a bit as well and I hear a complete buffoon. It's like the time Bush tried to talk about tribal sovereignty every single time she gives a non-softball interview. Of course, it's hard to find a real interview post-election since she talks to the media less than reclusive celebrities, even though she's a sitting governor. But yeah, listen to any of her interviews during the campaign, there's really only one word to describe her: dummy.

She sounds like a middle school student who has to give a speech to the class, but forgot her note cards and is trying to remember all the neat buzzwords that she learned while researching the subject. She has no clue what she's talking about and she thinks she can get by with cute little winks or just dodging the question.

She's a bigger idiot than Bush, and that takes skill. At least with Bush, as dumb as he was, he seemed like a genuine person who cared about those closest to him and struggled with his decisions... not at all like Palin. Governor Avon Lady is 100% sure of herself 100% of the time and anyone who disagrees isn't a "Real" American. She exploits her children at any given opportunity for political gain (I've seen Bristol Palin give more interviews in one year than the Bush twins did in eight) and she's a vindictive, spiteful, and disingenuous political hack. Sarah Palin is a complete and utter joke; Alaska, America and the world are better off without her in any elected office.


And now for some bonus Palin hilarity. After calling politics a "bloodsport" and threatening to sue anyone who writes anything bad about her, let's hop in our DeLorean and see how Sarah Palin felt about Hillary Clinton's "whining" in March 2008:

Governor Avon Lady to resign

First, the good news:

ANCHORAGE, Alaska -- Gov. Sarah Palin will resign her office in a few weeks, she said during a news conference at her Wasilla home Friday morning.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but these are happy tears! And I'm going to try to get through this blog even though I am at a loss for words... I'm just so happy!

July 4 is tomorrow, so I guess this is Palin's early birthday present to America? You know, I've said a lot of nasty things about her over the last year or so, but I have to give her credit for knowing exactly what to get everyone. The people of Alaska must be pretty thrilled too, maybe they'll finally have a governor who isn't ethically corrupt, morally corrupt, hypocritical or just plain stupid. But of course, what does this mean for their security? Perhaps Sarah can remain on in some capacity to keep an eye on Russia?

But as I think about it, it's one of those things that seems too good to be true, why is she resigning now? I've already seen this sparking rumors that this is so she can gear up for a presidential run... are you kidding? You can't just resign barely midway through your first term as governor and expect to run in an election that is three years away. I suppose stranger things have happened, but this should effectively kill her political career, unless she wants to be mayor of Wasilla again. If this is some desperate attempt to get attention for 2012, who would take her seriously? How could we trust a President Palin to not just run away when things got too hard? Economy in shambles? Wars? Terrorism? "Thanks, but no thanks!"

But then there's the flipside, potential scandal? Please, please, PLEASE tell me that the whole Argentinian mistress thing is a cover and it's actually Palin's Appalachian Trail that Mark Sanford has been hiking. C'mon, that would be the greatest political scandal in the history of political scandals! Plus, Sanford said the mistress was his soul mate, I can't think of a better woman for him than a brain dead, ultra-religious, neoconservative hypocrite.

Whatever the reason, in the midst of a major economic recession, two wars, and a country that's still stinging from eight years of a complete imbecile running the country, it's nice to get some good news. It's hard to believe it's been less than a year since John McCain unleashed her upon us, but hopefully Sarah Palin has finally got on the Bridge to Nowhere and we'll never have to deal with her again.

Bill Maher > Pundits

This is why Bill Maher is smarter than the vast majority of the talking heads that infect TV news. Maybe it's not even that he's smarter, perhaps he just has the balls to speak the truth and doesn't twist himself into a partisan pretzel.



And he's absolutely right about all of it. Obama is trying too hard to please the Republicans... screw the Republicans! They had their chance, they broke America and left it for someone else to fix. That someone else is our current president and he'd be better suited ignoring these nimrods than trying to get us all to come together and "compromise," that's code for "do what the Republicans want."

And don't take this as me being partisan, watch: screw the Democrats too! The Democrats are so obsessed with becoming Republican Lite due to this myth of America being a "center-right" country, all they're doing is just slowing progress. As Maher said, we have no progressive party in this country, any true liberal politicians are looked at as jokes and our lazy media is too busy worrying about the latest adventures of Governor Avon Lady to do anything about it.

Since Maher brought up Sarah Palin in that interview, let's make fun of her. I wanted to write a blog about her "feud" with David Letterman, but then the thing just got so ridiculous that I wouldn't be able to write anything without putting my fist through my monitor. If you're curious about my feelings, here's a quick summary that will keep my blood pressure down:

-The joke was funny and every other late night host has told similar ones.
-John McCain - Palin's runningmate - once called Chelsea Clinton "ugly."
-If Sarah Palin wasn't such a shitty parent, the joke wouldn't have been made in the first place. These jokes aren't about making fun of the children, they're about making fun of the Governor for being a hypocrite.
-Palin once again exploits her children for political gain.
-Palin made accusations about Letterman that were far more offensive than his joke.
-Shame on David Letterman for apologizing.
-Palin should stay in Alaska and do her damn job... or at least only come to "Real" America.
-Sarah Palin is a friggin' moron.

That about sums it up. I'm surprised I made it through that without using the c-word.

So yeah... President Obama, show us a little more Candidate Obama and don't worry about the Republicans, they're too busy killing their party from within. And put Sarah Palin on some kind of no-fly list while you're at it. It'll be good for America and the wildlife she shoots from her helicopter.

The crazies are getting restless

Usually it's just fun to laugh at wingnuts; they're generally harmless, spewing shit so idiotic that no one in their right mind would ever pay attention to them. Whether it's Obama's birth certificate, his choice in mustard, gay marriage leading to the downfall of civilization, or they're named Glenn Beck... they're usually just silly old crazy people, like the kind you'd find pushing around a shopping cart, but not in a grocery store. Unfortunately, the ultra right-wing is growing increasingly frustrated as they become increasingly irrelevant and as a result, they're becoming more dangerous.

All this psychotic rage seemed to begin around the end of the presidential campaign when the McCain/Palin events became glorified hate rallies. We all remember McCain reining in the crazy old woman who called Obama an "Arab," but Governor Avon Lady didn't stop fanning the flames of wingnuttery when she started insinuating that her opponent was a "terrorist." With policemen (in uniform) and various religious leaders to help spread the smears as well, they set the table for the crazies to come feast.

Aligning with psychopaths is a lot like opening Pandora's Box, there is no going back, the toothpaste is out of the tube, insert other cliché here. Obama won the election, but the Republicans had all these new found loonies shuffling around aimlessly like the mindless zombies they are, so they all got together and had themselves a little Tea Party. The tea parties were hijacked from the Libertarian movement and turned into campaign events, funded by neocons like Newt Gingrich and Dick Armey. The teabagging did nothing except show how hypocritical and out of touch the Republican Party was with America; they were essentially complaining that they had to pay for the tow truck after a night of drunk driving resulting in wrapping their Mercedes around a telephone pole. But that didn't stop the crazies from showing up, oh no... the teabaggers weren't just coming to talk about taxes, they had plenty of wingnutty goodness to go around.

But then it got scary, unlike when McCain reined in the racists at those campaign rallies, the Republicans embraced the tea parties and we got a glance at just how fucking insane this party has become. Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann wanted her contstituents "armed and dangerous," Texas Governor Rick Perry talked about seceding from the union and Republican strategist (and complete scumbag) Dick Morris, took a page out of G. Gordon Liddy's handbook and said, “Those crazies in Montana who say, ‘we’re going to kill ATF agents because the UN’s going to take over’ - well, they’re beginning to have a case.”

All this crazy boiled over earlier this week when Dr. George Tiller, a doctor who helped women and their families through an agonizing decision, was assassinated by a right-wing extremist. And then, several sick and demented psychopaths celebrated. I'm not going to get into the abortion debate here - if you agree with a woman's right to choose then I'd just be preaching to the choir; if you disagree, neither of us will convince the other otherwise - but if you think Dr. Tiller was performing these late-term abortions just because the mother "changed her mind," then you're a fucking moron. Pro-"life," but only if it's unborn... grown adults are apparently fair game, and killing them in church is a-okay too. Crazy and hypocritical... a dangerous combination.

But it doesn't stop there... in the last two days, a man is roaming around somewhere in the country, armed to the teeth and carrying a small fortune, plotting to assassinate the President of the United States. Today, a different man was arraigned in New York after plotting to "blow up" President Obama and Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor. Mix this in with all these random shooting sprees that have been popping up all over the place and one might think this country has officially lost its goddamn mind.

A lot of people have placed part of the blame on Fox News, especially Bill O'Reilly, for the assassination of Dr. Tiller. As much as I'd like to blame them specifically, it goes much deeper than that. This culture of fear and paranoia has been growing since 9/11, partially because the Republicans have exploited it for political gain, partially because we still have a lot of racists and bigots living in this country and partially because we'll always have people who are just plain bonkers. That Homeland Security report about right-wing extremists (the one the Republicans went nuts over even though it was authorized by the Bush Administration) was spot-on, and I worry that this problem is only going to get worse before it gets better.

Extreme Makeover: GOP Edition

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem and I have to hand it to the Republicans for actually making it that far. With more people believing in ghosts than identifying themselves as a Republican, the party knows they've got some serious work to do if they're ever going to win another election and thankfully, they've decided it's time for a re-branding effort. When I heard about this, I thought it was great news, the party realizes they're at risk of becoming a fringe, opposition party, it's time to get some fresh faces out there to revitalize the party!

And then of course, they showed who the fresh faces are: Newt Gingrich, John McCain, Jeb Bush, Eric Cantor, Mitt Romney, Bobby Jindal, Sarah Palin and Haley Barbour. There's only one clichéd internet meme that can properly sum this up:


And to make matters worse, they're calling this the National Council for a New America. Wait a minute, "New" America? What's wrong with the old America? Well, they did break it, but still... why do they hate America so much that they need a new one? I guess after that whole Real America thing didn't work out, they just feel they need to start all over.

In all seriousness, these are the people you thought would reconnect the Republican Party with the average voter? Really? I'm pretty sure when you're trying fix a failed brand, you don't go with the people who messed it up in the first place. If a plumber makes your leaky pipes worse, you probably shouldn't trust him to do something about your flooded basement. Let's take a look at our future New American leaders:

Newt Gingrich - Newty is pretty much the poster boy for what screwed up America, the prelude to Bush Era neoconservatism which reignited the culture wars. God & guns, fear & smear, etc. As noted earlier this month, Gingrich (an admitted adulterer) reemerged as a national figure to call Barack Obama "anti-religious." When I think of who would make a great leader for this new and refreshed Republican Party, I can't think of a better candidate than the ultra-polarizing, 65-year-old ex-Speaker of the House who's been in politics since 1974.

John McCain - Excellent strategy Republicans, when looking for someone to revitalize your party after a crushing defeat in an election just six months ago, go for the guy that lost the presidency. I'm sure no one will remember the vile, disgusting campaign where he and his constituents essentially called our current president an anti-American terrorist who will kill your baby. No, he's definitely the key to winning over hearts and minds.

Eric Cantor - Hey, we finally found someone under the age of 65, so that's a start. Unfortunately, that's also the end. Cantor's pretty much like a male version of Sarah Palin - empty suit, emptier head. I suppose we could call him John Boehner in training. Here's Cantor really hyping up the whole re-branding process.

Haley Barbour - The governor of Mississippi. Good thing the GOP has him to rebrand their party, because I bet Mississippi would've been up for grabs in the next presidential election! I know the Republicans have been having some trouble with such a progressive, liberal state like MS, so I'm sure a southern, career politician over the age of 60 will give them a huge helping hand.

Bobby Jindal - Oh Bobby, you're a never-ending source of entertainment. I can understand why the Republicans are pushing Jindal, they want to show that they also have a young, charismatic non-white guy... or they're just big fans of 30 Rock, but "the Republican Obama," this guy is not. In reality, Jindal is just another neocon, he supports a constitutional ban on flag burning and he believes that he actually performed an exorcism (and no, I will never get tired of that story). Although I wonder if the Republican base will constantly refer to Bobby by his real name "Piyush" and demand to see his birth certificate, much like they do with "Hussein Obama."

Sarah Palin - The biggest embarrassment in American political history and the Republicans want to trot her around again? I know I've been sarastically joking throughout this list, but for Sarah, I need to just come right out and say it to the GOP - you're supposed to be re-branding, you morons! You don't revitalize your party by bringing out Governor Avon Lady! Look, I know she's Neocon stroke material and she likes to shoot things, but she is possibly the most disgusting politician in America today and I will never apologize for saying that. Sarah Palin epitomizes exactly what's wrong with today's Republican Party and if they're using her to reconnect with voters, they'll be in the history books right next to the Whig Party very soon.

Jeb Bush - But as bad of a choice as Sarah Palin is to fix your tainted image, at least her name isn't Bush! Really Republicans, REALLY?! You're going to try to go to this well for a third time? You're going to try to use Jeb Bush as a figurehead of the new GOP while his brother just finished up the worst... presidency... ever? Dubya's been out of office for 101 days and his approval ratings are still dropping and you're going to enlist his brother?! I believe that is the very definition of "balls." Or "completely detached from reality," I'm not sure which. Considering how popular Meghan McCain is, I think you'd have better luck using Jenna Bush instead.

There you go folks, this is what the Republican Party came up with - old white men, career politicians, empty suits, relatives of the worst president in history, people who believe in exorcisms and the hockey mom pitbull with lipstick. This is literally the best they can do, go even further to the right and say "good riddance" to folks like Arlen Specter. They believe losing moderates will "purify" their party as they set up shop in the idealogical fringe section of America. The party of Lincoln is long gone, hell, this isn't even the party of Reagan anymore, this is the party of wingnuts.

God & Government

In case you haven't seen it reported on the news, Senator Elizabeth Dole (wife of former presidential candidate Bob Dole), is in danger of losing her job come election day. In a true act of complete desperation, Sen. Dole put out an ad linking her opponent Kay Hagan to an atheist group and the ad ends with a picture of Hagen and a woman's voice saying "there is no god!" Of course, the voice is not Hagan's, but it's certainly the message that the smear is trying to convey. Here, see for yourself:

Pretty disgusting. Hagan has no "godless" connections, in reality (where the non-Republicans live), she's an ex-Sunday school teacher. But you know what, even if Hagan were some godless atheist - who cares?! Let's read that silly little thing called the Constitution again:

no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States.

Oh how I wish that were true. We like to say there's a separation of church and state, but we all know that an atheist or an agnostic has no chance at higher office in this country. Sure would be nice though, someone governing based on personal morals and principles rather than their warped vision of a belief structure, but when Sarah Palin is possibly three days away from becoming Vice President, I have no hope for that scenario.

Look at what religion has done to our country, just in the last eight years we've been ravaged by a bunch of complete lunatics that think God is talking to them. 9/11 was religiously motivated, George W. Bush claimed he had superpowers when he saw Vladimir Putin's soul, he also said that God told him to invade Iraq. Religious nutjobs got Bush reelected in 2004, how's that working out for us? And now, thanks to John McCain's maverickosity, we get someone even worse than Bush in Governor Avon Lady.

Sarah Palin belongs to a church that believes in witches... literally. I'm sorry, that has nothing to do with morals and values, that's just stupid. We've had eight years of this "values" nonsense and it has affected every facet of our culture from Janet Jackson's tit at the Super Bowl to the Ten Commandments being displayed on public property to women's rights being on the verge of being stripped away to homosexuals being treated as second-class citizens just because their bedroom behavior doesn't meet the standards of people like Sarah Palin.

A little less God would do our government a lot of good. To be honest, I really don't think Barack Obama or John McCain are all that religious; pure speculation on my part, but I think Obama sees the church as a way to unite people around improving their community and I think McCain sees religion as a way to get votes from the people that reelected Bush. For the sake of our country, I hope that they're both lying when they talk about how devout they are, but the scary thing is, I know Sarah Palin is not. This woman isn't just your average Christian who is trying to live her life by the teachings of Christ, she's a theocrat like Mike Huckabee who thinks we should change the Constitution so that it fits "God's" will. Of course, her god is an ultra-corrupt bigot that wants to tell you how to live your life.

This notion that a person isn't fit for office because they don't believe in God turns my stomach. Honestly, I think the more devout you are, the less qualified you are to be serving our secular nation - if you want to preach, get out of the governor's mansion and go to church. There's a place in our culture for religion and if that's what gets you through the day, fantastic, but when it comes to our government, the Elizabeth Dole ad is right - there is no God.

Designing Palin

I don't hide my hatred for the Republican Party, there's certainly no questioning that, but I don't hate them just because it's fun. I honestly believe that the Republican Party is a malignant tumor that is slowly and painfully killing the United States of America. Don't get me wrong, I'm not overly fond of the Democratic Party either, but I feel like there is some good left there and they haven't been destroyed from within like the Neocons did to Republicans.

The biggest problem with the Neocon Republican Party is that it's no longer about issues, but rather about keeping the political structure of the nation in a state of permanent campaigning. The Republicans can't govern, they don't want to govern, they run on a platform that says government doesn't work (which as I've joked before, it doesn't work when they're in charge), but they do know how to campaign. Until Barack Obama put together the most impressive ground game in campaign history, Democrats almost always were out-campaigned by Republicans. But when you have no agenda other than to retain power and control people, it's no wonder why the country has gone to shit after eight years of George Bush, seven of those with Republican control of the House and Senate.

With their disgusting claws being pryed off the levers of power, Republicans are growing desperate and have resorted to these sleazy attacks and smears. It's not surprising, I'm just stating the fact in order to get to my point - as these attacks fail in the age of YouTube, the Republicans become more and more transparent and they're now exposed as the no good hypocrites that they are.

This is the party that attacked John Kerry as an elitist, mocked John Edwards' $400 haircut and called Barack Obama an empty celebrity. Yeah, the Republicans love to paint themselves as Joe Sixpack, Hockey Moms, just your average blue collar guy that loves 'Merica and wants to take out 'dem 'terrists! Well, if the Republicans are just like every other average guy out there, then why are they spending $150,000 on Sarah Palin's wardrobe? Let's keep in mind, the average American family of four takes in less than $50,000 per year, and the RNC is spending triple that on the clothes that Palin has worn in her short two months on the campaign.

Remember, this is the supposed "reformer" that saved the people of Alaska all this money - she didn't need the fancy jet, the private chef, or a limo ride to work, she was just your average "Real American" that wanted to shake up Washington! If you're one of those average Americans reading this, let me ask you, when's the last time you spent $2,500 on a Valentino jacket? Have you recently spent $90 on a hat for your infant son? When's the last time you got to go on a $75,000 shopping spree at Neiman Marcus... was that before you lost your 401k or after you got laid off?

Look, I don't care what the Republican National Committee does with its money; if Sarah Palin wants to go out and pretend she's got a cameo in the next Sex and the City movie, that's fine. But don't act like you're speaking to me or the rest of Real America when you've spent more money in one day than the average Joe makes in a year. This stuff is funny to an extent, but you have to remember these are the people running for office and winning based on the myth that they connect to middle America more than those damn dirty liberals do. Maybe if they took off the Dolce & Gabbana and stepped outside one of their eight houses, they could have a claim to understanding the problems facing the average American.

Now I know what you're thinking, "Barack Obama's rich too!" Yes he is, but he's not out there calling himself Joe Sixpack. Obama's not running around talking about what parts of the country are "Real," he's just actually bothered to learn something. Oh I know, that "L" word is scary to a Neocon, but while their nominees are bashing the "elitist Democrats," no one is bothering to mention that they're nothing but emprty suits spewing empty gestures for cheap applause. When you're running for office and you have no vision for the future and all you're presenting is marketing for this character that doesn't actually exist, you're hurting America. This isn't a popularity contest, it's not who you want to have a beer with, it's who is the most knowledgeable of the problems facing the country and who is best equipped to offer a solution to it.

She may have spent $150,000... but the Empress has no clothes.

Neocons.

I'm often asked about my pure, unadulterated hatred for the Republican Party, do I really paint all Republican politicians with the same brush? Not exactly, there are two types of Republicans in the party right now - those who were complacent in the hijacking of their party and the ones who orchestrated it, the Neoconservatives... Neocons. About two years ago, many Republicans started crying that they wanted their party back after the Neocons destroyed it, but I say too bad. Republicans sold out to the religious right and corporate interests, in order to get votes and when you make your bed, you have to lie in it.

But much like the Taliban in Afghanistan, there's been a Neocon resurgence in the 2008 presidential election. It looked like we may have begun to close the book on this sad era of American government, but then John McCain just had to go to the frozen tundra of Alaska and uncover the archetypal Neocon - The Abominable Sarah Palin. Yes, the governor is everything the Neocons look for in a candidate - Bible-thumping, attractive, folksy (talks in a cute accent of some kind... nothing foreign though), and incredibly stupid but proud of it.

The Neocons had to have been so proud of their young apprentice over this past weekend as they watched her perform that amazing sleight of hand that they're all so good at. A bi-partisan committee made up of eight Republicans and four Democrats finished their investigation into the so-called "Troopergate" scandal and found that Governor Palin unlawfully abused her power and violated the state's ethics bill. Gov. Palin's response?

"Well, I’m very very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing... any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that."

This is how ballsy the Neocons have become. They can be standing over a dead body with a knife in their hand and say "see? I had nothing to do with it." It's pretty damn funny, but it would be a lot more humorous if these people weren't running the country. These clowns have become so accustomed to no one calling them out on their bullshit, that they don't even try anymore.

"Hey governor, this investigation says you your office to settle personal vendettas."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Oh, okay."

Remember, this is the campaign that has been making such an issue about Barack Obama's character and judgment, meanwhile the Republicans have a candidate who selected an incredibly corrupt, embarassingly unqualified and incredibly ignorant governor of the third smallest state (population-wise) in the nation. What does that say about character and judgment?

When Barack Obama made the claim about people being "bitter" and "clinging to guns and religion," he was talking about the kind of people that have voted in the Neocons. These people are generally decent human beings, they've just been screwed over by the government so much, that they no longer trust them to help economically. However, the Neocons know how to appeal to these people without actually having to help them, they pander to them with God and Guns. Neocons run on a platform of government being ineffecient (which it is when they're in charge of it), so they tell "small-town" folk, to not vote for those silly Democrats because they'll take your guns away and get rid of God. These people then pull the lever for the W's of the world and then the Neocons take power and do nothing to help those who voted for them, that's what Obama was talking about.

But after eight years of the country going to absolute shit, people have smartened up and the Neocons have to up their tactics. Simple, small-town people aren't enough anymore, they have to engage in full-on culture war and energize the lunatic fringe of America. So while the Neocons run a campaign based on fear, distortion and flat-out lies, they start to energize a certain portion of America that is unlike anything we've seen in decades. Blatant racism, bigotry, homophobia, xenophobia, it's all out there and the Republican Party is playing with fire. John McCain used to be above all this but he sold his soul to the Neocons and now the genie can't go back in the bottle - he will regret his entire campaign from the moment he picked Sarah Palin until these final three weeks that have highlighted the ugliest portions of America. And just like those Republicans that wanted their party back a couple years ago, sorry John, you made your bed.

The country is going to go in one of two directions in the event of an Obama victory. If it's a landslide, the Neocon Republicans will likely take a critical blow; I'm hopeful that the party will die an embarrassing death and all of these criminals that hijacked America will be run out of office permanently to make way for a new, better political party to be the yin to the Democrats' yang, but I don't think the country will be that lucky. But in the event of an extremely close race, it's just going to get uglier. The Neocons will fight Obama tooth and nail and do whatever they can to sabotage his presidency. If they succeed, I fully expect them to run Sarah Palin in 2012, which should be a scary enough thought to get you in the voting booth on November 4.

Barack Obama needs a clear, decisive victory to put an end to Neocon rule once and for all and Sarah Palin needs to be forever-regarded as the biggest embarassment this country has ever seen on a political stage. Obama's not perfect, but Palin isn't even below average and if she's the direction the Neocons want to take this great nation, then it needs to be stopped now. Palin can never be allowed in a position of federal power because I fully believe she'll get in her helicopter and shoot America in the back of the head.

Angry Johnny

“If we keep talking about the economic crisis, we’re going to lose.”

Exact words from a top McCain adviser, directly admitting that John McCain has no plan for how to get America back on track. 82% of Americans believe that now is a bad time to find a job - an all-time high since these kinds of polls have been conducted. September saw the ninth straight month of job loss, the unemployment rate is skyrocketing and the government just approved 700 billion of your tax dollars going to bailout - oh I'm sorry, "rescue" - failed financial institutions, and John McCain's campaign has admitted that they can't talk about the economy or else they'll lose. Straight from the horse's mouth: if John McCain is president, the country will get worse. According to another poll taken yesterday by NBC News and The Wall Street Journal, the economy is the number one issue to almost 60% of Americans surveyed and John McCain wants to stop talking about it? "Country First" my ass.

Naturally, the strategy now is to attack Barack Obama's character - Sarah Palin is running around saying Obama "pals around" with terrorists, surrogates have resorted to bringing up his middle name, Hussein, for a cheap cheer, and the audience members at McCain's campaign rallies have resorted to flat-out screaming "TERRORIST" or "KILL HIM" when Obama's name is mentioned. These are the kind of people who vote for John McCain - sick, depraved individuals that are calling for the assassination of a political candidate and Obama's the one "palling around" with terrorists?

Governor Palin's husband was a member of the Alaskan Independence Party, a secessionist group whose founder said of America, "I'm an Alaskan, not an American. I've got no use for America or her damned institutions," and "The fires of hell are frozen glaciers compared to my hatred for the American government. And I won't be buried under their damn flag. I'll be buried in Dawson. And when Alaska is an independent nation they can bring my bones home." Sarah Palin recorded a welcoming address for AIP's convention earlier this year, yet she's running around saying that Obama's the one who sees America as "imperfect."

I'd be nervous too if I had no agenda for the country with 28 days to go.

John McCain goes out at campaign rallies and says that Obama is "too touchy" and "sensitive" when it comes to questions of his patriotism, yet if you ask McCain if his running-mate is even remotely qualified for the job, he flies off into a fit of rage and declares war against the media. No, not touchy there at all as he shields the precious, delicate flower that is Governor Palin from any questions, even if they're questions asked by a debate moderator. Oh no, Governor Palin doesn't have to answer those questions, but Barack Obama has to entertain ludicrous notions that he somehow sympathizes with someone who did some horrible things when Obama was eight, just because they've been in the same zip code together. Obama has to answer for his pastor's angry comments about America, but Sarah Palin doesn't have to discuss her relationship with a literal witch doctor that protected Palin from witchcraft and prayed for her to be showered with wealth and good fortune. Palin partially credits this man "laying hands on her" as part of the reason she was elected governor of Alaska.

Barack Obama gets attacked for saying that people in small towns are fed up with the government to help them economically, so all they have to hang onto is the government pandering to them with guns and religion. That, while ridiculously true, gets attacked from all sides as a gaffe while Sarah Palin goes out and says women that don't vote for her will go to Hell, and no one says a thing. Barack Obama is a "liberal elitist" for not eating fried food, but no one calls Sarah Palin a disgusting savage for shooting defenseless wolves from a helicopter.

As John McCain's campaign continues to drown and his poll numbers sink like an anchor tied to another anchor, he is relying on the kitchen sink strategy in the last four weeks of the election. His own people admit that they cannot win on the issues, a few weeks ago, his senior campaign manager even tried to say this election was about personalities rather than the issues, so I understand why they're doing what they're doing. They can't win, all they can do is make Barack Obama lose by reminding voters that he's "different," which of course is a code word for "black." It doesn't matter if none of these smears are even remotely close to being true, they just need the voters to connect the dots, even if they don't form a picture.

McCain is bitter, out of touch and has completely sold his credibility and dignity for this last shot and becoming President of the United States and if trends hold, it will blow up in his face. John McCain will not win this election on his record, his positions or his judgment and it's saddening to see him turned into just another neo-conservative puppet. The John McCain of 2000 would never vote for the John McCain of 2008:

Couldn't have said it better, John.

There's a place in Hell for Sarah Palin

I want to share with you a direct quote from Sarah Palin:

"There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other women."

Yes, I swear to you she said this and I'll give you video proof in just a moment. To clarify what the governor was talking about, she claims she was quoting former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright. Here's the full quote in context:

"I'm reading on my Starbucks mocha cup, ok? The quote of the day... It was Madeleine Albright, former Secretary of State [crowd boos] and UN ambassador. ... Now she said it, I didn't. She said, 'There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other women.'"

Of course, Albright never said that. In fact, Albright's exact words were "There's a special place in Hell for women who don't help other women." Big damn difference. One implies that if you're a woman that doesn't vote for Sarah Palin, you're going to Hell. The other implies that if you're a woman and you do nothing to help your gender (you know, like Sarah Palin), then you're going to Hell. So if the governor wants to use that quote while running on the ticket that doesn't support a woman's right to choose, equal pay for equal work and all the other women's issues that McCain has voted against over the last 26 years, then I think it's perfectly acceptable to say that Sarah Palin will rot in the fiery pits of hell. Of course, Satan will probably jam his pitchfork through his ears after listening to her talk for about two hours - I could barely survive 90 minutes on Thursday - so while he's recovering, I'm sure she'll find some way to change Hell's constitution and give power to herself.

Once Palin finished delivering another gem, she followed up with a taunt to the media "turning it into" something tomorrow. Hey governor, they wouldn't make a big deal out of it if you weren't butchering someone's quote to make it sound like anyone that votes against you is anti-woman, I know it's all a game to you, but you sound like an asshole. Oh and you claim you read it on your "Starbucks Mocha," whoa there, Governor, Starbucks? Sounds a bit like a hoity-toity latte-drinking Liberal to me! ELITIST!!!

Gotcha!

It's not "gotcha journalism" just because you're a moron.

This is the latest coming out of the McCain campaign, the tried and true Republican tactic of blaming the "liberal" media for Sarah Palin's inability to answer questions that were asked of her in the two real interviews that she's given to the press. Yeah, that Katie Couric must be so "in the tank" for Obama since she asked that ridiculously hard question, "what newspapers do you read?" Read very closely because I'm about to tell you something that may seem surprising and I know we've gone over it before, but I assure you, it's true: there is no such thing as the liberal media. Make no mistake, there's a right-wing, neo-conservative media - FOX News, New York Post, Washington Times, The Wall Street Journal, National Review, Weekly Standard, and pretty much every AM talk station you've ever listened - but liberal media? Sorry, doesn't exist. Oh, there's a few tiny outlets for strictly liberal thought like Air America Radio, but if you're looking for hardcore liberal media, you're only going to find it on the internet where any jackass with a keyboard can express his thoughts (oh the crippling irony!) In terms of traditional media - radio, television, newspaper, magazines - it's dominated by three groups: 1. conservatives, 2. extremely lazy reporters, and 3. the dying breed - actual journalists.

I got into a less-than-polite disagreement with someone today who, in so many words, told me that I shouldn't bash McCain/Palin because I don't know them personally, nor can I believe everything the media tells me. The first part of that, not knowing them personally, is incredibly stupid, but I'll forgive it since I provoked the hasty response; the second portion however, did strike a chord, you can't always trust the media. But is it because of a liberal bias? No, it's because of general laziness... or fear. The media doesn't do its job anymore because politicians refuse to talk to the press - if a journalist asks tough questions to a Republican, they're labeled as liberal and their newspaper or TV station will never get another interview with that particular candidate.

Sarah Palin has furthered this to embarrassing new lows by doing a measly two interviews with a non-FOX network since becoming John McCain's running-mate. Here's a woman that was literally unknown to the overwhelming majority of non-Alaskans until five weeks ago and she can't even give interviews without preconditions? Obviously, we all know why, if you saw any of the Katie Couric or Charlie Gibson interviews, you understand that Governor Palin is ridiculously unqualified for her position and quite frankly, is a fucking idiot. Don't get me wrong, Palin is an educated woman and probably knows a lot about Alaska, but when it comes to being on the national stage? Yeah, "fucking idiot" is the proper term to use. Some of her answers were like watching fourth graders try to answer test questions about a book they didn't read - just string together a bunch of words and hope they make sense, even if they're completely unrelated to the topic at hand. She did this in the debate last night as well, though it wasn't as obvious since it was paced so quickly that it wound up being in her favor until people had a few hours to think about it.

"Gee golly Katie, I guess you could say Highlights for Children really helped me shape my world view! That and Guns & Ammo, you betcha!"

So let's just set the record straight, Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson and the majority of the mainstream media are not biased against Governor Palin. Hell, the McCain campaign picked Couric to come out on the campaign trail with Palin for nine days, so whatever happened there, they brought on themselves. I know we were all surprised to see it, but yes, Katie Couric showed some real journalism in her interviews with the Governor. There is no liberal agenda in asking a candidate running for the #2 highest office in the land what newspapers they read or if they can name a single Supreme Court case. Palin froze on both of those because she is clueless, not because Couric is an Obama surrogate. This is journalism, folks - asking candidates tough questions because being President and Vice President are tough jobs. We shouldn't be voting for people just because they make us feel fuzzy inside or because they talk like characters in Fargo.

The McCain campaign knows this and it's why they're doing exactly what I predicted they would do in last night's blog - keeping Palin out of the spotlight for the next 30 days. She won't be on any of the Sunday morning talk shows, she won't be sitting down with anyone else from CBS, ABC or NBC, no press conferences, nothing. She scraped by in the debate last night and managed to halt her freefall into the complete destruction of her credibility, but her handlers know that she is not ready to be on television, let alone Vice President or worse, President of the United States of America.

That's what a John McCain vote gets you on November 4, a Vice President whose own campaign openly acknowledges that she is not even ready to stand up to the former host of The Today Show, yet you're supposed to think she can handle Vladimir Putin and Osama bin Laden.

Maverick, Bipartisan, Corruption on Wall Street, Joe Sixpack and Golly Jeepers!

I'll have more on all the debates in an upcoming writing, but here's my quick analysis of tonight's contest between the two Vice Presidential contenders:

She didn't answer a single question that was asked, she didn't offer any differences between McCain and Bush, she didn't say anything new, she lied and she talked like Ned Flanders...

...But I'm sorry, Sarah Palin won this debate. She managed to come across like someone who had a clue, even if it wasn't a clue about the question that was asked, but it was perfect Republican sleight of hand. Your average person isn't going to sit there and say "oh well she wasn't really answering the question that was asked," they're just going to absorb whatever the hell Palin was talking about. Her cram session paid off and she spewed talking points like it was nobody's business without sounding like the complete mental invalid that she has with Katie Couric. All they have to do now is keep her out of the spotlight for the next 30 days or so and McCain is back in the saddle.

Biden did fine, but he was on the defensive the entire time and never once went after Palin for fear of being labeled sexist. If this debate were Hillary Clinton vs. Sarah Palin, the governor would have been humiliated and this race would be over, but of course, we would have heard the media use the phrase "catfight" a couple thousand times tonight, so I'm glad things turned out this way. Regardless of her winning the debate, I don't think this does much for McCain except slow the hemorrhaging that she has caused the campaign since the Charlie Gibson interview and only worsened with Couric. I don't think she's swayed anyone to her side, but she probably revved up the Republican base that were desperately in need of something to point to in order to defend this embarrassing pick for VP. At least now they can say she beat Joe Biden in a debate, but anyone with half a brain saw that she never answered a single question that was asked and managed to bullshit her way out of stuff she was clueless on. George W. Bush must be so proud!

The Palin Project - Volume 6: The Beginning of the End

Only Palin can save McCain, her party and the country she loves. She can bow out for personal reasons, perhaps because she wants to spend more time with her newborn. No one would criticize a mother who puts her family first. Do it for your country.

I know what you're thinking, the above quote must be one of those "liberal media elites" with their sexist attitude toward Governor Palin, right? Actually, it's from die-hard Republican, Kathleen Parker in a column for the right-wing publication, National Review. Ouch... wonder how they're going to do damage control for that one? When members of your own party are calling you an embarrassment with just over a month to go before election day, maybe it's time to consider packing your bags and heading back to Alaska.

This is the final installment of The Palin Project - I'm certainly not done writing about Sarah Palin, but now that her manufactured "All-American" story has been exposed as the farce that it is, I feel that it is no longer necessary to profile Governor Palin as I have over these six writings. But how could this all fall apart for the Republicans? Just a month ago, it looked like McCain/Palin (or as it was then, Palin/McCain) had this election in the bag. The Democrats had a great convention, but McCain stole the thunder just hours later with the announcement of Sarah Palin as his running-mate and The Palin Effect was seen across the country - people were genuinely interested in this woman. After twenty minutes of pure venom in her convention speech, the pundits were fawning over Palin as the next big thing in American politics and seemingly the only person who could rival Barack Obama's level of fanfare.

But guess what? It was all a magic show, smoke and mirrors, nothing more. The minute people started looking under that hastily-crafted backstory, they saw what many of us knew was there - an empty, bigoted, idiotic lunatic-fringe Neocon that has more in common with George W. Bush than John McCain. Between saying she can see Russia from her house gives her foreign policy experience, being unfamiliar with the Bush Doctrine and being completely clueless on the issues facing our nation, America woke up and saw the truth - Sarah Palin is a joke. You have to sit back and laugh at her, because if you really think hard about the prospect of her being a heartbeat away from the presidency, veins in your head will swell up with anger and cause your entire cranium to explode.

The Republicans certainly tried, they told us she was a reformer (she isn't), they told us she's a maverick like John McCain (they're not), they told us she had more experience than Barack Obama (she doesn't) and they told us that Joe Biden better watch out come debate time (he will eat her alive). As Palin's mystique crumbled in the past week, McCain "suspended" his campaign (for about an hour to do nothing) and tried to get the first debate postponed to October 2 - conveniently the day that the VP debate is scheduled. Even Palin's own campaign is acknowledging that she's a laughingstock and will be decimated in a proper debate - she can't even handle a debate with Katie Couric!

Wow.

Seriously, a month ago they almost had this country convinced that she was going to run circles around a 35-year Senator with more foreign policy experience than pretty much anyone in congress during this upcoming debate. The gloves come off this Thursday and Joe Biden warned he would not treat Palin lightly because he didn't want to come off as condescending as John McCain did during his debate. So Mrs. Palin, I hope you're ready for the man that has been nicknamed "Joey the Shark;" and with your campaign sinking, I don't know if that's a man you want to be going toe-to-toe with.

But don't take this writing as an easy victory for Obama on November 4, far from it. But the selection of Sarah Palin does mark the beginning of the end - even if McCain wins the election - because it represents the final nail in the coffin of John McCain's reputation. A man that was once considered to be the voice of reason in politics, a man that John Kerry asked to be his Vice President in 2004, has devolved into another worthless Neocon pandering to the Religious Right and corporate interests in order to get elected. The Palin pick speaks volumes about John McCain's judgment (or lack thereof) and shows that this man cannot be elected if we ever want to get this country back on track. Remember, a vote for John McCain is a vote for a woman who said this in regards to the $700 billion Wall Street bailout:

That’s why I say I, like every American I’m speaking with, we're ill about this position that we have been put in. Where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy. Um, helping, oh, it’s got to be about job creation, too. Shoring up our economy, and putting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions, and tax relief for Americans, and trade — we have got to see trade as opportunity, not as, uh, competitive, um, scary thing, but one in five jobs created in the trade sector today. We’ve got to look at that as more opportunity. All of those things under the umbrella of job creation.

Those aren't even sentences, they're just random words placed together - but hey, at least you can feel safe on those clear days when she can see Russia from her house.

The Palin Project - Volume 5: Working the Refs

"Liberal Media."

It's a phrase you hear all the time, but rest assured, there is no such thing. The Republicans have a knack for sleight of hand, the technique magicians use to manipulate objects during illusions. Republicans aren't making coins appear from behind your ear, but they know how to divert your attention so that you can't see the trick, the recent buzz surrounding Sarah Palin is a fine example of this.

Less than two weeks ago, John McCain announced his running-mate, the governor of Alaska that no average American voter had ever heard of before. Naturally, this was going to raise some questions like "who the hell is this woman?" She is a heartbeat away from the presidency, probably someone who would need to give some details about herself, but oh no. When reporters began raising questions about this mysterious pick, the McCain campaign freaked out and immediately began lashing out at those dirty liberals in the media for treating Palin unfairly.

But what about the coverage of Palin in the mainstream media was unfair? Seriously, find me one thing from a legitimate news source (not a blogger) that was unfair towards Palin... don't worry, I'll wait. There were a couple tabloid outlets reporting some things that could be construed as such, but even those turned out to be somewhat true with the announcement of Palin's pregnant teenage daughter - something Palin herself released a statement on and admitted. Everything else was standard journalism - investigation into this woman's history, her record and just an overall look at who she is - remember, the night before her selection as VP, nobody had heard of Sarah freakin' Palin. But the Republicans, reaching into their bag of tricks, took the opportunity to blast the media for attacking Palin and it worked, 51% of Americans polled said she was being treated unfairly. Nevermind the fact that there was no particular evidence to support such a claim, but the Republicans know if you repeat something enough, it'll come true. It's sad, but in the world of politics, truth is subjective.

There are two more sinister points to all these cries of bias in the "liberal" media, it's a tactic that has worked in the Republicans' favor for decades now:

One, get the citizens to distrust the media. Remember, the press exists to keep our leaders in check, if no one challenges them on their questionable decision-making, then they can get away with just about anything. Post-9/11 America has all but confirmed that point as the Bush Administration was able to run rampant throughout the world until the country finally woke up and realized they were getting screwed. But here we are again with McCain playing the media bias card with successful results, how does this keep happening? It's simple, make the people think there is a media bias, and they will begin to ignore the news, if the citizens aren't informed, they'll just blindly follow along with whatever their leaders do.

Two, get the media to work in their favor. Journalists are a funny bunch in the year 2008, the days of guys like Edward R. Murrow, Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein are long gone, there are no more investigative journalists, just personalities. After enduring the accusations of having a liberal bias for so many years, the media will now sacrifice their principles just to show their objectivity, even if it means abandoning the story. Look at Sarah Palin, instead of calling her out for her flat-out lies, distortions and smears in her speech at the Republican Convention, the media lavished her with praise for a "great speech." No, a great speech is an accurate one, not that half hour of flat-out bullshit, but the media wouldn't call her on it because they might be accused of being biased. Funny how that works, isn't it? When the Republicans manage to spin the media in their favor, it's no longer a free press, it's a propaganda machine.

In defense of the media, the days of investigative journalism are gone because the average American is fucking stupid. Radio and TV broadcasters are taught to speak as if their listeners/viewers have no more than a sixth grade education, newspaper and magazine articles shrink in size to accomodate lower attention spans and FOX News is the most watched cable "news" outlet. So you can understand why the media fails to do its job anymore, people just can't be bothered by nuanced things like facts, they want senationalism like "is he a secret Muslim" or cute stories like "LoL she said the difference between a pitbull and a hockey mom is lipstick! HUR HUR!"

So when you're wondering why America keeps electing horrible politicians, it's partially because the media has been hijacked and/or smeared by those same officials. Republicans know they can't govern the country properly or win elections based off their laughable policies, so they have to go into their bag of dirty tricks, and this is just one of the many that they have up their sleeves. As a result, respectable journalism has been replaced by Larry the Cable News Guy.