Teabaggers: The First Generation

Our current political climate isn't the first time the extreme right-wing used the threat of communism to stop America's progression:


And here we are today:


Poor, pitiful, angry white men... they've always had it so rough.

The Cult

No, I'm not talking about the kickass rock band that gave us tunes like "Fire Woman" or "She Sells Sanctuary," I'm talking about the Republican Party, which is beginning to resemble something along the lines of Heaven's Gate. You remember that, right? The crazy people who all killed themselves because they were going to hitch a ride on the Hale-Bopp Comet? Let's contrast and compare for a moment:

Heaven's Gate:
"It is also possible that part of our test of faith is our hating this world, even our flesh body, to the extent to be willing to leave it without any proof of the Next Level's existence."

Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann (R-Arkham Asylum):
"This [health care reform] cannot pass…What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass. We will do whatever it takes to make sure this doesn’t pass…Right now, we are looking at reaching down the throat and ripping the guts out of freedom."

Remember, people voted for this woman, they elected her to public office to represent them in congress. Seriously. And really, slit their wrists and become blood brothers? Does Michelle Bachmann worship Satan? That would certainly explain how she was elected...

And it's not just one crazy person, take a look around at the Republican Party today, it's nothing but frothing-at-the-mouth psychopaths. Let's ignore all the misinformed idiots at all these town hall meetings and focus on the people who actually wield some sort of authority in this country.

How about Louisiana Governor, Bobby Jindal, who claims he performed an exorcism on a young woman when he was in college? I've brought it up before, but it is a 100% true story, it's not some birther-esque conspiracy, Jindal himself has claimed that he performed an exorcism. I have to repeat that one more time - a sitting governor, an elected official, not only believes in the idea of exorcisms, he thinks he's performed one.

Then there's George W. Bush, who sent 4,000 brave men and women to die (and countless others to come back maimed), because God told him to invade Iraq. A twice-elected (well, one and half times elected) president started a war because "God" told him. I don't find that troubling that as an almost-atheist, I find it troubling in the same way that it disturbs me when I see a crazy person muttering about God as he stumbles down an alley. Yeah, we elected THAT guy to be president.

How about Representative John Shimkus (R-IL) who says we don't need to worry about climate change because only God decides when the world ends? That's right, ignore all the science and trash the place because it's not going to matter when God splits open the heavens and sends the Four Horsemen to destroy the world. Sounds like someone's interested in a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Then of course, there's Sarah Palin, who belongs to a church that can "pray the gay away" and allows "Pastor" Thomas Muthee to come preach. Palin claims she wouldn't have been elected governor had Muthee not "laid hands" upon her, as he prayed for Jesus to bless her with wealth and protect her from witches. Literal witches, broomstick-riding, cauldron-brewing WITCHES.

I know I've mentioned all these over the last few months in previous entries, but when I compile them all together, can you actually look at it and take these people seriously? It's not just them, there are many more loonies in the party and even more nutjobs that support them, so honestly, please tell me how this party has any credibility?

If I were to sit you down and tell you about a group of people whose leaders believed in witches, exorcisms, a supernatural apocalypse, thought God was speaking directly to them and then called on their members to slit their wrists and become blood brothers, what would you think? Republican Party? Religious cult? Is there really even a difference at this point?

Frustration

It's been two weeks since I've written anything, mainly because our current political climate has devolved into mind-numbing stupidity. Glenn Beck said the president has a "deep-seated hatred for white people," and joked about poisoning the Speaker of the House (all while his advertisers took their money and ran). Senator Chuck Grassley suggested that folks turn to Jesus Christ for "end of life counseling." And Sarah Palin emerged from the unemployment line to insinuate that President Obama wants to murder her Down Syndrome baby.

Ah yes, Citizen Avon Lady and her mythical "death panels," all this just a couple weeks after ordering the media to "quit making stuff up." In the latest round of Palin exploiting her children for political gain, she sold the idea that if we had a government-run health care system, the handicapped, the sick and the elderly will have the proverbial plug pulled on them. Of course, this is 100% false, but the "liberal media" (lol), in their quest to always look "objective," took the bait and actually reported on this nonsense.

It really is infuriating to watch a serious political debate get hijacked by the LOUD NOISES crowd. People like Sarah Palin have nothing to add to the discussion, so they play to their base of ignorant, uninformed numbskulls to make people scared of health care reform. This is true, someone actually stood up in one of these infamous town hall scream-a-thons and said "KEEP YOUR DAMN GOVERNMENT HANDS OFF MY MEDICARE!" This is the type of idiot that Sarah Palin is talking to. Now that may make me sound like one of those elitist lefties, but here's the deal: if you actually believe that "death panels" will be a part of health care reform, you don't get to talk. You clearly have no idea what's going on and you will add nothing to the discussion, so shut up and actually read something not from redstate.com or Sarah Palin's Facebook page.

We've let loudmouth morons like Beck, Palin, Limbaugh, Grassley and the residents of Wingnuttia dictate the direction of the health care debate. Because they began frothing at the mouth, the end of life consultations have been removed from the health care bill. That's right, the same people who called for federal interference in the Terri Schiavo debacle don't want you to have access to a consultation about a living will. That's all the "death panels" are, compensating doctors for talking to their patients about an optional living will. So in the unfortunate event that you or a loved one are unable to make a decision about treatment, your wishes will be carried out.

I have it on good authority that Sarah Palin's next Facebook note will be about how you shouldn't be an organ donor, because it's really just a government conspiracy to harvest your organs! Seriously though, the elimination of the end of life provisions is a very dangerous precedent. The spineless cowards in the Democratic Party have once again bent to the will of the lunatic fringe on the ultra far-right. By not standing their ground on this, their fillibuster-proof majority is worthless, all it takes is yelling and screaming from people who have no clue what they're talking about to shut down a bill. That's the Democratic Party I know, blowing the lead in the bottom of the 9th with two outs and no one on base.

Screaming at themselves

Before I begin, let me clarify that I'm not one to put much stock in polls, I don't think you can accurately represent a country of over 100 million voters by asking 1000 people a series of questions over the phone. Not saying that every poll is wrong, but don't put all your faith in them.

But with that said, Republicans can't shut up about polling these last few weeks. Why? Because Obama's approval rating is down, shocking that they're all over that. So for those folks who are dying to write off an entire presidency in six months because of one week's worth of polling, I want to share a poll of my own.

Political Party Affiliation by State - Gallup

There are currently 37 states that are considered "strongly Democrat" or "leaning Democrat" and you can add DC in there as well for a combined 350 electoral votes. How many are Republican strongholds? Four, with only one additional state "leaning" Republican. Those states are Alaska, Utah, Wyoming, Idaho and Alabama... with a combined 15 electoral votes between them. There you go, there's today's Republican Party, amazing where people can live nowadays.

Above: Ouch.

Naturally, this Gallup poll is not reflected by the way the "liberal media" (lol) covers the news. Just today, MSNBC gave actual airtime to "lawyer" Orly Taitz (yes, her name is Orly) to explain the so-called "Birther Movement" and why she's fighting to "prove" that Barack Obama wasn't really born in the United States. Just watch this video and see that this woman is a special brand of crazy; I mean there's crazy, and then there's Orly! But the Birfers, as I like to call them, have somehow gotten their stupid cause picked up by the mainstream media the last couple weeks and it's still getting reported on even though it has been repeatedly confirmed that Barack Obama was born in Hawaii.

But it's not just the Birfers, the media's letting various Republicans, wingnuts and lunatic fringers all over the networks to talk about whatever insanity is on their mind. Just yesterday, This Week with George Stephanopoulos hosted right-wing columnist Michelle Malkin, who's about as qualified to go on that show as I am, and let her just spew her Ann Coulter-lite vitriol. I still see Frank Gaffney pop up all over MSNBC, and he's a guy that thinks Saddam Hussein was not only behind 9/11, but the Oklahoma City Bombings as well. Even Sean Hannity managed to up his "OMG did he really just do that?"-factor by bringing on MARK FUHRMAN to discuss race relations in America... yes, that Mark Fuhrman, the same dirty cop from the OJ Simpson trial who we heard on tape talk about how much he enjoys beating black people.

Then there's John McCain, who seems to get a weekly interview with the news outlet of his choice. I challenge you to find me a Democrat that got as much airtime as McCain has in the six months after he lost an election. I know we sure as hell didn't see John Kerry, Al Gore or Michael Dukakis this much, but somehow that "liberal media" (lol again) seems to find all the time in the world for ol' Johnny. Memo to the media: McCAIN LOST! Overwhelmingly! That means we didn't like his ideas six months ago, why should we have to hear about them now?

So right now the Republicans have less support than the Whigs, yet they still dominate the news cycle to promote their agenda of LOUD NOISES! They don't have the ability to engage in rational discussion (just listen to talk radio), they have no solutions for the nation's problems (just watch C-Span), all they have left to offer is obstruction. They can't tell us why we shouldn't have health care reform, why gay people shouldn't be allowed to marry or why we should take Sarah Palin seriously, so all they do is just ratchet up the crazy and force us to listen. Remember that next time you see footage of Glenn Beck's latest stunt - which will probably be something like setting the American Flag on fire - the GOP is nothing but an increasingly irrelevant political party trying to do anything to get attention. Like a dying television show desperate for ratings, the Republican Party has jumped the shark, the networks just haven't figured it out yet.

I'm afraid we have to amputate

After having this charge leveled at me numerous times in post-9/11 America, I have to ask it in reverse, do the Republicans hate America? Honestly, I don't think that's true, they certainly love their version of America: polluted, paved and full of pipelines. No, in reality, I think it's more accurate to say that the Republican Party hates Americans.

See, they like their Americans like they like America, polluted. They're comfortable with the fact that the nation is full of people who are fat and stupid. They certainly don't have any plans to fix health care and if it weren't for stupid people, they'd have no party leaders. In case you missed it, a RNC memo came out this week detailing how the Republicans should kill health care reform and "break" Obama. This is how they view the world folks, you are not important; your well-being, the well-being of your children, it's irrelevant to them. Your health, your life, it's a commodity, a business, and as long as they have any say in the matter (as well as those "Blue Dog" Democrats), that's what it will continue to be. All that matters to today's Republican Party is money and votes, and if that means they have to stand in the way of America's progress to get those things, then that's okay.

Sounds harsh, but take a look at their reasoning behind opposing Universal Health Care:

"Oh it'll cost too much!"
Yeah, never mind that taxpayers already pay more health costs than any other nation, yet we're the only modernized nation without some form of universal health care.

"Quality of care will drop!"
The WHO ranks us 37th in the world in terms of overall care, right between Costa Rica and Slovenia. In terms of life expectancy, we rank 45th, just beating out Cyprus, but below Bermuda. Where do we rank on infant mortality? 32nd. Yeah, we're doing a bang-up job with quality of care.

"There will be an government bureaucrat between you and your doctor!"
As opposed to the insurance company bureaucrat between you and your doctor now? A company stooge whose job it is to keep their costs down, even if it comes at the expense of your health.

"You'll wait forever for treatment!"
Because normally you just fly right through the emergency room and are out of there in no time! As for appointments, I can't even get a goddamn dentist appointment within the next six months.

"The government can't run anything right!"
Yeah, because we still have Republicans. When your party runs on a platform of government being inefficient, maybe you shouldn't be running for positions in government. If we got rid of these roadblocks, we might actually get some work done. And that's really what it comes down to, if you want health care reform, it's time to rid our government of the Republican Party. Like a malignant tumor, we need to surgically remove them with our votes every election cycle.


*PS - bow to my AWESOME MS Paint skills!!!

Sonia v. Sarah

Don't worry, this one isn't mine, it's just the most brilliant skewering of GOP Frankenstein that I've ever read. Why is it that the same Republicans that have such an issue with Sonia Sotomayor are Sarah Palin's biggest fans?

I used to think that, after the debacle of the Bush years, the train wreck of Sarah Palin and the Obama rout, the Republican Party would recover its sanity and regroup. Clearly, I was wrong. People who argue that Sarah Palin is good for America while Sonia Sotomayor is a threat are obviously out of their minds.

Ouch. You can read the full column right here

"Liberal Media" Strikes Again!

Take a look at this picture of Sarah Palin, soon to be former governor of Alaska. The biggest loss from that news is that I won't get to call her "Governor Avon Lady" anymore, but according to Time Magazine, I guess I should start calling her "The Renegade." Yeah, that pesky "liberal media" is at it again, tearing down poor Sarah Palin by giving her all sorts of press, taking photos of her looking all nifty on a pier and giving her a super cool moniker like "Renegade." Lorenzo Lamas' career is spinning in its grave.

How does Webster's Dictionary define the term "renegade?"

an individual who rejects lawful or conventional behavior

Well, I guess considering her numerous ethics complaints and the fact that she's out of her goddamn mind, maybe Time is onto something. But that's the literal definition, the media is portraying this as some sort of brilliant scheme that's prepping her for the 2012 election, they're even saying she's taking "the road less traveled," like she's the subject of a friggin' Robert Frost poem. Trust me, Quitty McGee ain't that deep. "Renegade" implies some sort of badass trait, something that sets her apart from the pack, puh-lease.

Sarah Palin is not a renegade, she's not all "mavericky," she's just another Republican. Someone tried to tell me the other day that she's the "new flavor" of politics... apparently the only flavor that person is familiar with is mushrooms because you'd have to be high to believe it. Sarah Palin is plain old Republican vanilla with a couple colorful sprinkles on top, she's the culmination of everything that's sucked about the Republican Party since Nixon. Take your pick: ethically corrupt, moral superiority, extreme arrogance, shallow, greedy, condescending, out of touch, privacy-invading, anti-intellectual, anti-science, anti-civil liberties, pro-war, and most important of all, a hypocrite. Sarah Palin takes all the worst qualities of the Republican Party and rolls it into one winking package.

Yes, she's worse than Bush. Say what you will about W, but "quitter" would never enter the discussion. After all the memos that have been released, I honestly have a bit of sympathy for Bush these days. Sure, he's still the worst president ever, but he just seems so gullible and naive, there's almost this innocent quality about him. I feel like W was a decent human being who thought he was doing good, but was surrounded by cretins like Cheney, Rumsfeld, Gonzalez, etc.

Palin, on the other hand, is all of Bush's worst qualities, mixed with the political ambition of Karl Rove and all the other criminals. She's dumb as a rock (apologies to rocks), a Jesus™ freak, and someone who thinks with her gut rather than her pea-sized brained like Bush; but then she's also a master manipulator, vindictive and just plain nasty like ol' Turd Blossom.

Renegade? Hardly. This woman is the GOP's Frankenstein.

Governor Avon Lady to resign

First, the good news:

ANCHORAGE, Alaska -- Gov. Sarah Palin will resign her office in a few weeks, she said during a news conference at her Wasilla home Friday morning.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but these are happy tears! And I'm going to try to get through this blog even though I am at a loss for words... I'm just so happy!

July 4 is tomorrow, so I guess this is Palin's early birthday present to America? You know, I've said a lot of nasty things about her over the last year or so, but I have to give her credit for knowing exactly what to get everyone. The people of Alaska must be pretty thrilled too, maybe they'll finally have a governor who isn't ethically corrupt, morally corrupt, hypocritical or just plain stupid. But of course, what does this mean for their security? Perhaps Sarah can remain on in some capacity to keep an eye on Russia?

But as I think about it, it's one of those things that seems too good to be true, why is she resigning now? I've already seen this sparking rumors that this is so she can gear up for a presidential run... are you kidding? You can't just resign barely midway through your first term as governor and expect to run in an election that is three years away. I suppose stranger things have happened, but this should effectively kill her political career, unless she wants to be mayor of Wasilla again. If this is some desperate attempt to get attention for 2012, who would take her seriously? How could we trust a President Palin to not just run away when things got too hard? Economy in shambles? Wars? Terrorism? "Thanks, but no thanks!"

But then there's the flipside, potential scandal? Please, please, PLEASE tell me that the whole Argentinian mistress thing is a cover and it's actually Palin's Appalachian Trail that Mark Sanford has been hiking. C'mon, that would be the greatest political scandal in the history of political scandals! Plus, Sanford said the mistress was his soul mate, I can't think of a better woman for him than a brain dead, ultra-religious, neoconservative hypocrite.

Whatever the reason, in the midst of a major economic recession, two wars, and a country that's still stinging from eight years of a complete imbecile running the country, it's nice to get some good news. It's hard to believe it's been less than a year since John McCain unleashed her upon us, but hopefully Sarah Palin has finally got on the Bridge to Nowhere and we'll never have to deal with her again.

The crazies are getting restless

Usually it's just fun to laugh at wingnuts; they're generally harmless, spewing shit so idiotic that no one in their right mind would ever pay attention to them. Whether it's Obama's birth certificate, his choice in mustard, gay marriage leading to the downfall of civilization, or they're named Glenn Beck... they're usually just silly old crazy people, like the kind you'd find pushing around a shopping cart, but not in a grocery store. Unfortunately, the ultra right-wing is growing increasingly frustrated as they become increasingly irrelevant and as a result, they're becoming more dangerous.

All this psychotic rage seemed to begin around the end of the presidential campaign when the McCain/Palin events became glorified hate rallies. We all remember McCain reining in the crazy old woman who called Obama an "Arab," but Governor Avon Lady didn't stop fanning the flames of wingnuttery when she started insinuating that her opponent was a "terrorist." With policemen (in uniform) and various religious leaders to help spread the smears as well, they set the table for the crazies to come feast.

Aligning with psychopaths is a lot like opening Pandora's Box, there is no going back, the toothpaste is out of the tube, insert other cliché here. Obama won the election, but the Republicans had all these new found loonies shuffling around aimlessly like the mindless zombies they are, so they all got together and had themselves a little Tea Party. The tea parties were hijacked from the Libertarian movement and turned into campaign events, funded by neocons like Newt Gingrich and Dick Armey. The teabagging did nothing except show how hypocritical and out of touch the Republican Party was with America; they were essentially complaining that they had to pay for the tow truck after a night of drunk driving resulting in wrapping their Mercedes around a telephone pole. But that didn't stop the crazies from showing up, oh no... the teabaggers weren't just coming to talk about taxes, they had plenty of wingnutty goodness to go around.

But then it got scary, unlike when McCain reined in the racists at those campaign rallies, the Republicans embraced the tea parties and we got a glance at just how fucking insane this party has become. Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann wanted her contstituents "armed and dangerous," Texas Governor Rick Perry talked about seceding from the union and Republican strategist (and complete scumbag) Dick Morris, took a page out of G. Gordon Liddy's handbook and said, “Those crazies in Montana who say, ‘we’re going to kill ATF agents because the UN’s going to take over’ - well, they’re beginning to have a case.”

All this crazy boiled over earlier this week when Dr. George Tiller, a doctor who helped women and their families through an agonizing decision, was assassinated by a right-wing extremist. And then, several sick and demented psychopaths celebrated. I'm not going to get into the abortion debate here - if you agree with a woman's right to choose then I'd just be preaching to the choir; if you disagree, neither of us will convince the other otherwise - but if you think Dr. Tiller was performing these late-term abortions just because the mother "changed her mind," then you're a fucking moron. Pro-"life," but only if it's unborn... grown adults are apparently fair game, and killing them in church is a-okay too. Crazy and hypocritical... a dangerous combination.

But it doesn't stop there... in the last two days, a man is roaming around somewhere in the country, armed to the teeth and carrying a small fortune, plotting to assassinate the President of the United States. Today, a different man was arraigned in New York after plotting to "blow up" President Obama and Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor. Mix this in with all these random shooting sprees that have been popping up all over the place and one might think this country has officially lost its goddamn mind.

A lot of people have placed part of the blame on Fox News, especially Bill O'Reilly, for the assassination of Dr. Tiller. As much as I'd like to blame them specifically, it goes much deeper than that. This culture of fear and paranoia has been growing since 9/11, partially because the Republicans have exploited it for political gain, partially because we still have a lot of racists and bigots living in this country and partially because we'll always have people who are just plain bonkers. That Homeland Security report about right-wing extremists (the one the Republicans went nuts over even though it was authorized by the Bush Administration) was spot-on, and I worry that this problem is only going to get worse before it gets better.

Dick.

Okay, I've tried controlling my anger, but I can't take it anymore: Dick Cheney... shut the hell up. I really don't like throwing around things like this, but he may very well be the worst person who has ever served in any kind of public office. I don't even know if I can call him a person, he is walking evil. And the media must stop treating his every word as if it has any meaning or relevance to our national dialogue. It's bad enough that President Obama continues to move to the right (and he was already in the center to begin with), but now the media gives Cheney a platform to push the nation even further to the land of insanity.

Now I could just end this blog there and call it a day, but I'm sure some wingnut will barge in and say something to the effect of "why do you liberals hate dissent? Dick Cheney is just voicing his opinion, why do you want to take away his free speech?!" or something equally stupid, so allow me to elaborate.

Dick Cheney is in no position to offer his opinion on anything. Sure, he can mutter whatever he wants from his undisclosed location, but for the media to give this man attention is like asking Richard Nixon about Jimmy Carter's ethics. The Cheney Administration (since it's becoming more and more clear that it was not the Bush Administration) systematically wrecked this country on just about every level. They killed our economy, they ruined our reputation with our allies, they sent 5000 brave men and women to die for nothing in Iraq, and yes, they made us less safe. Furthermore, when it comes to issues of national security, everything that Dick Cheney ever said over the course of his "vice" presidency was demonstrated to be 100% wrong:

"There's a link between Iraq and al-Qaeda"
"Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction"
"The war will be over in six weeks... six months, tops"
"The war will pay for itself"
"We'll be greeted as liberators"
"Bush kept us safe"
"Waterboarding isn't torture"
"Waterboarding saved lives"
"Ending waterboarding makes America less safe"

Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Wrong.

Plus the dozens more I can't remember off the top of my head. On the issue of torture, all of the information that we gained from those who were waterboarded came before they were tortured. The only reason these men were subjected to the "enhanced interrogation" methods was to create a link between Iraq and al-Qaeda. Yes, the Vice President of the United States authorized torture to falsify evidence in order to mislead the American people to go along with the Iraq War. Imagine a police officer planting evidence on a suspect, then multiply it by the 5000 lives that were lost in Iraq... that blood is on Cheney's hands.

Between the torture and the outing of a CIA agent for political gain, Dick Cheney doesn't belong on television, he belongs in a prison cell. That's the only reason I can imagine why we've seen him more in the last two months than we have in the last eight years, he's trying to keep himself out of jail. If he becomes a vocal opponent of the current president, any investigation into his war crimes will appear to be politically-motivated and Washington will turn into a bigger circus than it already is. Way to go, Dick... politicizing the Justice Department even when you're out of office, that takes skill.

It's obvious that Dick has no other real motivations behind this other than to save his own skin. If it were strictly out of concern for his country, he would've ran for president; of course he would've been demolished since he has the lowest approval ratings of just about any individual politician in the history of the nation, but if he's THAT concerned, he should've went for it. If Bush-era policies truly made America more safe, it would've been Cheney's duty to the country to attempt to continue them. But no, he's just fine going on all the talk shows, smearing legitimate war heroes like Colin Powell (how many deferments did you get, Dick?) and continuing the fear mongering that plagued this nation since the day after 9/11. The American people have rejected the politics of fear and the politics of the worst administration in the history of this nation, it's time the media do the same.

Poutrage

Unsurprisingly, today's talking point from the right-wing media is that comedian, Wanda Sykes went too far in her speech Saturday night at the White House Correspondent's Dinner. Sykes jabbed at Rush Limbaugh, mocking him for his comments about wanting Obama to fail, saying it was borderline treason, she hopes his kidneys fail and that he was supposed to be the 20th hijacker on 9/11, but was so strung out on Oxycontin that he missed his flight. The White House issued a statement today saying 9/11 was off-limits, which isn't surprising, but the conservatives still aren't letting it go, saying all her attacks on Rush were over the line... have these people never actually listened to Limbaugh? Sykes was tame! Let's take a look at more glaring hypocrisy from the right:

Jokingly calling Limbaugh treasonous was over the line, yet Ann Coulter is free to write a book called Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism and Rush is free to call the president a thug.

Sykes "crossed the line" with hoping for Limbaugh's kidneys to fail. I guess some people see it as poor taste to make light of an illness, but that didn't stop Rush Limbaugh from mocking Michael J. Fox for having Parkinson's Disease. Or Ted Kennedy's brain tumor.

And saying Rush Limbaugh was supposed to be the 20th hijacker is beyond the pale, but please ignore the fact that Rush just described Obama as "the follow-up to 9/11." Seriously... and that was just last month.

The fundamental difference here is that Wanda Sykes' performance was roast-style joking. Yes, it was edgy and controversial, but it was still comedy; I can't speak for Sykes, but I don't think she really wants Limbaugh's kidneys to fail and she obviously doesn't believe he was the 20th hijacker. Yet Rush Limbaugh says shit like this every single day and it only makes the news when it's really over the line.

All this uproar over Wanda Sykes is just more manufactured outrage from the masters of pretending to be offended. It's hilarious that the party that's always whining about left-wing "political correctness" is always the first to cry foul when someone hurts their wee little feelings. Here's the truth, the Republican Party is still pouting over the fact that they got their asses handed to them in the election, so they'll grasp at any straw they can to smear Democrats. Just look at the last few weeks of phony outrage: moaning about the unfair treatment of some beauty pageant bimbo that ran her mouth about gay marriage (even though she's clueless to the subject), attacking Obama's choice of mustard, and now Wanda Sykes making a couple mean jokes about someone who spews venom on a daily basis. Here's a tip to the right-wing smear machine, don't dish it out if you can't take it.

And just for some laughs at how absurd it is to defend Rush Limbaugh while calling Wanda Sykes harsh, here are some more of Rush's greatest hits:

"We are being told that we have to hope he succeeds, that we have to bend over, grab the ankles ... because his father was black."

"Liberal black politicians" envy Fidel Castro's "dictatorial power"

"Everybody knows it was the vacuum cleaner that liberated women more than the pill"

"I think the media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well. They’re interested in black coaches and black quarterbacks doing well. I think there’s a little hope invested in [Donovan] McNabb and he got a lot of credit for the performance of his team that he really didn’t deserve."

Obama's Supreme Court pick will be "a teenage single mother, who's gay, is a lesbian, who's dirt poor, African-American, and disabled"

"AIDS was going to get really bad but it didn't"

For more on Rush Limbaugh's racism, sexism and generally stupidity, just check Media Matters.

Sean Hannity is great... for me to Poupon

I don't know if you've noticed, but occasionally Fox News is the funniest damn thing on television. Clearly they're not a real news network and their entire on-air staff is composed of the biggest nimrods in broadcast history, but it is a never-ending source of hilarity. If you can manage to watch the network without feeling a need to evacuate your bowels, did you catch Sean Hannity this week? Sean really skewered Barack Obama this time, he caught the president - on camera - ordering a hamburger... with spicy mustard! THE HORROR! Yes friends, this is what the Republican Party has reduced itself to... mocking Obama because of his "fancy burger."

But Vannity wasn't alone, Laura Ingraham joined the promotion of "Dijongate" (seriously), "I don't even like the way the man orders a hamburger. ... What kind of man orders a cheeseburger without ketchup but Dijon mustard?" Apparently, Ms. Ingraham is unaware of the fact that this is America, where you can get a hamburger made out of a fucking donut, there's nothing we WON'T put on a burger.

USA! USA! USA!

Never mind the fact that "spicy mustard" is available in every supermarket in the country and I guarantee you can get some form of it (or elitist Dijon) at the vast majority of restaurants in this country. Even All-American company, French's sells a spicy mustard. OMG! Commie Socialists have invaded our condiments! Next thing you know, Obama will be making us put Worcestershire sauce on our hot dogs!

Fox and the other clowns from the right-wing propaganda machine are free to waste their airtime however they see fit, but really, this? Look, I know you're desperate to make fun of the guy after Bush gave us so much ammunition over the years, but just accept it, Republicans aren't funny. It's okay, you're the curmudgeon party, you're not supposed to be funny. Relish in the fact that you're a bunch of angry old white men shouting at kids on the lawn, it's what Dick Cheney does! Embrace your inner Dick, it suits you.

Extreme Makeover: GOP Edition

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem and I have to hand it to the Republicans for actually making it that far. With more people believing in ghosts than identifying themselves as a Republican, the party knows they've got some serious work to do if they're ever going to win another election and thankfully, they've decided it's time for a re-branding effort. When I heard about this, I thought it was great news, the party realizes they're at risk of becoming a fringe, opposition party, it's time to get some fresh faces out there to revitalize the party!

And then of course, they showed who the fresh faces are: Newt Gingrich, John McCain, Jeb Bush, Eric Cantor, Mitt Romney, Bobby Jindal, Sarah Palin and Haley Barbour. There's only one clichéd internet meme that can properly sum this up:


And to make matters worse, they're calling this the National Council for a New America. Wait a minute, "New" America? What's wrong with the old America? Well, they did break it, but still... why do they hate America so much that they need a new one? I guess after that whole Real America thing didn't work out, they just feel they need to start all over.

In all seriousness, these are the people you thought would reconnect the Republican Party with the average voter? Really? I'm pretty sure when you're trying fix a failed brand, you don't go with the people who messed it up in the first place. If a plumber makes your leaky pipes worse, you probably shouldn't trust him to do something about your flooded basement. Let's take a look at our future New American leaders:

Newt Gingrich - Newty is pretty much the poster boy for what screwed up America, the prelude to Bush Era neoconservatism which reignited the culture wars. God & guns, fear & smear, etc. As noted earlier this month, Gingrich (an admitted adulterer) reemerged as a national figure to call Barack Obama "anti-religious." When I think of who would make a great leader for this new and refreshed Republican Party, I can't think of a better candidate than the ultra-polarizing, 65-year-old ex-Speaker of the House who's been in politics since 1974.

John McCain - Excellent strategy Republicans, when looking for someone to revitalize your party after a crushing defeat in an election just six months ago, go for the guy that lost the presidency. I'm sure no one will remember the vile, disgusting campaign where he and his constituents essentially called our current president an anti-American terrorist who will kill your baby. No, he's definitely the key to winning over hearts and minds.

Eric Cantor - Hey, we finally found someone under the age of 65, so that's a start. Unfortunately, that's also the end. Cantor's pretty much like a male version of Sarah Palin - empty suit, emptier head. I suppose we could call him John Boehner in training. Here's Cantor really hyping up the whole re-branding process.

Haley Barbour - The governor of Mississippi. Good thing the GOP has him to rebrand their party, because I bet Mississippi would've been up for grabs in the next presidential election! I know the Republicans have been having some trouble with such a progressive, liberal state like MS, so I'm sure a southern, career politician over the age of 60 will give them a huge helping hand.

Bobby Jindal - Oh Bobby, you're a never-ending source of entertainment. I can understand why the Republicans are pushing Jindal, they want to show that they also have a young, charismatic non-white guy... or they're just big fans of 30 Rock, but "the Republican Obama," this guy is not. In reality, Jindal is just another neocon, he supports a constitutional ban on flag burning and he believes that he actually performed an exorcism (and no, I will never get tired of that story). Although I wonder if the Republican base will constantly refer to Bobby by his real name "Piyush" and demand to see his birth certificate, much like they do with "Hussein Obama."

Sarah Palin - The biggest embarrassment in American political history and the Republicans want to trot her around again? I know I've been sarastically joking throughout this list, but for Sarah, I need to just come right out and say it to the GOP - you're supposed to be re-branding, you morons! You don't revitalize your party by bringing out Governor Avon Lady! Look, I know she's Neocon stroke material and she likes to shoot things, but she is possibly the most disgusting politician in America today and I will never apologize for saying that. Sarah Palin epitomizes exactly what's wrong with today's Republican Party and if they're using her to reconnect with voters, they'll be in the history books right next to the Whig Party very soon.

Jeb Bush - But as bad of a choice as Sarah Palin is to fix your tainted image, at least her name isn't Bush! Really Republicans, REALLY?! You're going to try to go to this well for a third time? You're going to try to use Jeb Bush as a figurehead of the new GOP while his brother just finished up the worst... presidency... ever? Dubya's been out of office for 101 days and his approval ratings are still dropping and you're going to enlist his brother?! I believe that is the very definition of "balls." Or "completely detached from reality," I'm not sure which. Considering how popular Meghan McCain is, I think you'd have better luck using Jenna Bush instead.

There you go folks, this is what the Republican Party came up with - old white men, career politicians, empty suits, relatives of the worst president in history, people who believe in exorcisms and the hockey mom pitbull with lipstick. This is literally the best they can do, go even further to the right and say "good riddance" to folks like Arlen Specter. They believe losing moderates will "purify" their party as they set up shop in the idealogical fringe section of America. The party of Lincoln is long gone, hell, this isn't even the party of Reagan anymore, this is the party of wingnuts.

100 Days of "Fair & Balanced"

Those far-left radicals at Media Matters are at it again with their video evidence. Damn liberals and their facts:

Kit Bond + Fox News = Sunday Stupidity

So I'm torturing myself, aka watching Fox News, and just like actual torture, watching Fox News often leads to bad information. Missouri Senator Kit Bond is on right now defending torture like a good little lapdog and he's using this clichéd line that if we prosecute the high level officials that authorized torture (Dick Cheney), then we'll turn America into a Banana Republic. No, he doesn't mean we're all going to get a nice pair of khakis, he means that like a South American dictator, Obama would be using the law to get political power.

Of course that claim is embarrassingly stupid and only something a Republican could come up with, but what really bothered me was Bond saying we can't criminalize these actions. What actions, torture? We can't criminalize torture? That's essentially saying we can't criminalize crime. Torture is illegal. I keep hearing everyone from right-wing whackjobs all the way to President Obama saying we have to look forward instead of backward and we can't dwell on the past, but using that logic, we'd never prosecute anyone for a crime. Once the crime is committed, it's in the past; if I punched Kit Bond in the face, I don't think the judge would be too impressed with my "hey, let's look to the future" defense. Just to be clear, I don't advocate violence against anyone, even political figures, I leave that up to the conservative media.

Fox News apologist Chris Wallace continued this idiotic conversation by asking Democratic Senator Carl Levin if the next president considers Obama's tactics in Pakistan to be a war crime, should Obama be prosecuted? There's really no other way to say it after such a stupid question, but Chris Wallace is apparently a complete idiot. Presidents don't just get to decide what is and what is not a war crime, torture is undoubtedly a war crime and is considered as such by the entire modernized world. Once again, Wallace was just demonstrating that Fox's bias isn't just from Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck or Sean Hannity, but it permeates every facet of the network, even their "fair and balanced" reporting.

Senators Levin and Bond continued their debate with Bond suggesting that releasing these torture memos have made us less safe. Levin, showing the common sense absent from his Republican counterpart, made the simple observation that releasing these memos wouldn't be necessary if the law hadn't been broken in the first place. Terrorist groups have already used the fact that we torture as a method for getting new recruits; the release of memos doesn't change that. The Republican Party, specifically the previous administration made America less safe, so all those people who claim Bush "kept us safe after 9/11," you need to remember who authorized the use of these tactics.

24 is not a documentary

I know they're the party that elected The Terminator to be governor, but has the Republican Party truly become so insane that they're endorsing war crimes because they see it on TV? The United States of America does not torture, but that doesn't stop Glenn Beck and other Fox News shows are airing clips from 24 where Jack Bauer defends his techniques in a congressional hearing; is that really the route you want to go, Fox News? You weren't airing clips when Jack Bauer was interrogating a corrupt president, and we sure could've used his help with that the last eight years. This is how silly our national dialogue has become, the adults are trying to have a rational discussion about defending America and then the Neocons barge in and say we should torture people because the guy from Young Guns does it all the time.

Leave it to the hypocrites of today's current Republican Party to rely on something from Hollywood to justify their methods. I thought they were all just a bunch of latte-sipping liberals over there, but somehow they have the right idea on how to interrogate a detainee? Real life is not television, the conspiracy doesn't unravel at the top of every hour, we don't wrap up conflicts in one perfectly-timed day and you can't get travel all across Los Angeles in 10 minutes. Seriously, have you watched 24 lately? It gets more ridiculous every year, and this is coming from a guy who watched seven seasons of a teenage girl slaying vampires.

Bringing this back to reality, I am stunned to see people actually defending the fact that we waterboarded Khalid Sheik Mohammed 183 times in one month. That's six times a day. If waterboarding is so effective, why the hell would you need to do it 183 times? Apparently it was done so much to discover details about a link between Iraq and 9/11, of course there was none. Now I'm sure some of you are thinking, I can't possibly be worried about the treatment of the man who orchestrated the 9/11 attacks can I? Yes, I am. I'm not defending Khalid Sheik Mohammed, I think he should rot in prison for the rest of his miserable existence, but we cannot justify torture under any circumstances. No matter how horrible the person or their actions, we can never stoop to that level of barbarism.

I hear people like Rush Limbaugh say these guys weren't tortured, they were just slapped around a little bit. Well, if it's something so innocuous, what's the point? If they're not being hurt, why would that make them talk instead of just a normal interrogation? To the people who say waterboarding specifically isn't torture, I suggest you watch this video:



That's conservative writer, Christopher Hitchens, saying that waterboarding is undoubtedly torture. You can find videos like this all over YouTube of people in a controlled environment, who know they're in no imminent danger, lasting no longer than mere seconds.

If you have any other doubts that waterboarding should be classified as torture, why did we put Japanese war criminals on trial after WWII for waterboarding? What changed since 1945? Torture had no place in our society 64 years ago and it certainly has no place here today. We cannot appeal to our basest of instincts, and sacrifice our morality because of fear or a thirst for vengeance. What makes us better than people like Khalid Sheik Mohammed is that we hold ourselves to a higher principle those principles must apply to all people, even the most heinous villains. There are no exceptions for justice.

It's not hypocritical to point out hypocrisy

The recent argument coming from neocons against people who are bashing their little tea parties is that "liberals hate dissent" and things to the effect of "only liberals get to protest, right?" Well, no one is saying you don't have a right to get together for tea time (so very European of you, by the way), we're just amused at the hypocrisy. Leftist "hate site" (code words for "they use facts"), Media Matters, recently tackled this one when it comes to Fox News and their sudden change of heart on the First Amendment.

Protesting is great and I'll defend your right to say it until the day I die. I think the KKK has every right to march on the public square, Fred Phelps and Westboro Baptist are well within their rights to spew their hate speech, liberals get to protest the war and conservatives can protest Obama's fiscal policies, just don't get pissed when someone offers a legitimate counterpoint. And don't be surprised when someone calls you on your bullshit... and we're going to do that right now:

If these are fiscal protests, where were they for the last eight years when government spending was just as out of control? Why did they pick this tax day to protest when they're paying their taxes for fiscal year 2008? Anyone who paid taxes last week paid Bush taxes, no one has paid a dime in Obama taxes. There hasn't been a tax increase since 1993 and taxes are almost 20% less than they were under that socialist icon, Ronald Reagan. Why all the sudden venom towards the federal government?

Let's just call these protests what they really are, "We Hate Obama Rallies." A continuation of the hate-filled campaign events that summed up the final few weeks of the McCain/Palin campaign. The right-wing HATES this man with the kind of fury that I've never seen toward any politician (and no, not even Bush). In less than three months, the right-wing has become unhinged and gone completely off the deep end, throwing a temper tantrum not unlike a child being told he has to clean his room.

These are the same people who called protesters "sore losers" in 2000 after Bush/Gore and then claimed they "hated America" when they had the audacity to protest the Iraq War. Look, I know we have crazies on the left like PETA and Code Pink, but those groups are generally brushed off and have no real say in politics, but now, the right-wing is taking to the streets and talking about SECEDING from the union!

These aren't just fringe extremists coming out of their Montana shacks, these are elected representatives in congress. Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann wants her constituents "armed and dangerous," Texas governor Rick Perry fanning the flames of secession, now the Georgia state senate is talking about secession as well, Alabama congressman Spencer Bachus has his list of "socialists" which officially puts the Republican Party in reruns, the reemergence of culture warrior Newt Gingrich to call Obama "anti-religious," Tom Delay talking about the dangers of Obama expanding the federal government when he was a part of the administration that expanded the federal government more than any other administration in history, Bobby Jindal echoing Rush Limbaugh's "I hope he fails," Dick Cheney claiming Obama's made us "less safe," Dick Armey organizing these tea parties, Mike Pence ranting about federal spending while he strongly supported the $3 trillion (and counting) Iraq War, and those are just some of the actual politicians who have lost their minds.

What about the Fox News lunatics? They've really cranked it up a notch in the last few weeks, haven't they? Glenn Beck alone would be enough to damn that entire network. Last year he ranted against the "entire pop culture" being responsible for violent crime in America, but can't see how anyone could possibly think the mass-shooter in Pittsburgh who feared the "Obama gun ban" could be influenced by his rantings. And what about Beck saying people need to "drive a stake through the heart of the bloodsuckers" while having a graphic displaying Obama as a vampire on screen? Or when he dumped "gasoline" on someone and said "Obama, why don't you just light us on fire?!"

This kind of violent rhetoric being spewed from the Timothy McVeighs of the world is one thing, but these are politicians and major media outlets. If you really think these tea parties are just about fiscal policy, then you need to look closer or you're in denial. These people are talking about a violent uprising against the federal government over a 3% tax increase on the wealthiest 5% of the nation? Seriously? No matter the real reason why these people hate the president, and I'm sure they'll give you plenty, this "movement" is being fueled by anger and scare tactics. Fear & Smear - the Republican bread and butter.

Are you teabagging tomorrow?

In case you missed it, here's American Razor's first story on Republican Teabagging. Oh wait, I think this is actually the first story I wrote about Republicans who love to teabag.

Meet the Newt Boss, Same as the Old Boss

Is the Republican Party truly so desperate for a leader that they've allowed Newt Gingrich to reemerge? Man, I almost feel sorry for them at this point. And is it 1996 again, why is he back on my television screen on a nightly basis? Is he planning a run for president? Oh, that's just hilarious. Yeah, take the poster boy for 1990s "conservatism" and let him run for president in 2012 after those principles are a direct cause of the mess we're in now.

If ol' Newty truly is gearing up for a presidential run, I expect it to play out just like Rudy Giuliani in the last election; everyone will start picking out bibles to swear in President Gingrich as soon as things start looking bright for the Republicans and then he'll fail to win a single primary. Honestly, is there anyone out there who actually likes Newt Gingrich? This guy would be lucky to have a higher approval rating than Dick Cheney. While he would be far more qualified for the job, I can't see this guy getting more primary votes than Governor Avon Lady, as much of a joke as she is, some people inexplicably love her. Who loves Newt Gingrich... besides his third wife?

In case you missed it, Newt started flapping his gums yesterday and had the audacity to call the Obama administration "anti-religious." Are you fucking kidding me?! If anything, Obama is far too religious considering his weak stance on gay marriage and his desire to expand so-called faith-based programs. So where's this anti-religious nonsense coming from? Oh, because Barack Obama appointed a gay man to the 25-person White House advisory council on faith-based initiatives. First off, why do we even need a council on faith-based initiatives? Let's get the government out of faith-based initiatives and let's get faith-based initiatives out of government, we'll all be a lot better off that way. Secondly, gotta love the idea that Obama is "anti-religious" because he has a gay person on an advisory board about religion. How very Christian of you, Newt... but at least you're just flat-out admitting that those heathen homosexuals aren't allowed in your little club.

I would LOVE to see a debate between Gingrich and Obama about morals and values. Newt Gingrich, an admitted adulterer who has had three wives (including one he divorced while she was recovering from cancer), is going to tell Barack Obama how to be a good Christian? Between this assclown, Palin's laundry list of religious insanity and Bobby Jindal performing an exorcism (sadly I'm not kidding), how can any religious person look at the Republican Party and actually take them seriously?

Tea Time

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