Katy Perry Can Kiss My Ass (And She'll Like It)

If you know me, you know it's more than just politics that piss me off - so this will be the first entry in the blog related to pop culture. I've wanted to write about this kind of stuff for awhile, but nothing really bugged me enough; it's been an awesome summer for movies with Iron Man, The Hulk and of course, The Dark Knight all kicking lots of ass. Really, how can I bitch about movies when The Dark Knight is likely going to become the second-highest grossing movie in history? How can I bitch about TV when reality shows have started dying off in favor of nerdtastic programming like Heroes and Lost, engaging dramas like The Shield and Damages and WWE having its best year in over a decade?

But then, after a trip to Louisville this weekend and venturing out to nightclubs (ewww), a certain noise infected my ears everywhere I went. Something so horrible that it made me spend obscene amounts of money on liquor just so I could get drunk enough to tolerate it - kinda like beer goggles for the ears, or "beerphones" (patent pending) - and that was Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl."

Now I heard about this song awhile ago and have been deliberately avoiding it, initially because I thought it was a cover of the Jill Sobule song and that would have been a fucking sacrilige, but luckily that wasn't the case. The Jill Sobule song is brilliant, funny and legitimately charming, the Katy Perry song is juvenile, simple and borderline retarded. It should be banned from many radio stations like Sobule's song was, Perry's version being banned not due to content, just because it's fucking horrible.

See, in 1995, Jill Sobule's version of the song was banned from many radio stations due to its "controversial" lyrics because thirteen years ago, lesbians were taboo. Nowadays, anytime some dumb bitch shoves her tongue down some other chick's throat, they'll immediately have a dozen simple-minded men gathering around. These are the kind of girls that love to say they're "bi," but really it just means they're not afraid to kiss another girl in a bar, but meanwhile look down upon people that are legitimately gay. Look, I'm all for chicks making out and, but let's be honest, it jumped the shark when Granny Madonna licked Britney Spears' face on MTV five years ago, which was Madonna's way of saying, "See! I can still be relevant!"

Girls kissing is not edgy anymore and it means one of two things: no one is buying your shitty album or no one is paying attention to you at the bar. Katy Perry's song is essentially both, an anthem for boring whores who rely on cheap tactics to get dumb guys to look at them and the only way this broad is ever going to have some sort of a recording career. Ever see Perry try to perform live? I don't recommend it because your ears will commit suicide. So what do you do when you have no talent but are marginally attractive? It used to be, you would get into modeling, but now with ProTools and other audio software that can make you sound like you have some ability to sing, you too can be a one hit wonder!

Yeah yeah, I know pop music sucks. It's such an easy target that normally I wouldn't even mention it, but this song in particular just really bugs me because it's so cheap and easy. It's lowest common denominator entertainment that presents itself as something that's taboo when it's anything but. Roseanne Barr kissed a chick on television in 1994, that was edgy, Katy Perry is just writing a song about what childish sorority girls do to get free drinks.