Religulous

The irony of religion is that because of its power to divert man to destructive courses, the world could actually come to an end. The plain fact is, religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having in key decisions made by religious people. By irrationalists, by those who would steer the ship of state not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken. George Bush prayed a lot about Iraq, but he didn't learn a lot about it. Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking.

It's nothing to brag about. And those who preach faith, and enable and elevate it are intellectual slaveholders, keeping mankind in a bondage to fantasy and nonsense that has spawned and justified so much lunacy and destruction. Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do. Most people would think it's wonderful when someone says, "I'm willing, Lord! I'll do whatever you want me to do!" Except that since there are no gods actually talking to us, that void is filled in by people with their own corruptions and limitations and agendas.

And anyone who tells you they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you don't. How can I be so sure? Because I don't know, and you do not possess mental powers that I do not. The only appropriate attitude for man to have about the big questions is not the arrogant certitude that is the hallmark of religion, but doubt. Doubt is humble, and that's what man needs to be, considering that human history is just a litany of getting shit dead wrong. This is why rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a terrible price.

If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest. To do otherwise is to be an enabler, a mafia wife, for the true devils of extremism that draw their legitimacy from the billions of their fellow travelers. If the world does come to an end here, or wherever, or if it limps into the future, decimated by the effects of religion-inspired nuclear terrorism, let's remember what the real problem was that we learned how to precipitate mass death before we got past the neurological disorder of wishing for it. That's it. Grow up or die.

-Bill Maher, from Religulous

Drug tests for driver's licenses

For years now, I've been seeing the "MAKING DRUG TEST MANDATORY FOR WELFARE" meme pop up on Facebook. It has 1.5 million fans... that's a lot for something on Facebook, so obviously people support the idea and it gained enough traction to be made into law in Florida.

Of course, it's a laughable failure, but in our current political climate, that doesn't matter. Much like the 2012 GOP candidates, the concept is failing upward and Ohio is expected to institute a similar law.

I get the idea behind it, we've demonized poor people so much, it's easy to get people to rally against them, even if a small portion of them are truly the "lazy, drug-addled drain on society" that they're painted as. Never mind the fact that it's demonstrably a waste of money, once people have their minds made up on something like this, the details don't matter, they "won." The only way these kind of "kick 'em when they're down" laws go away is when they start to affect the lives of everyday folk.

So it's time to start drug testing for driver's licenses! Aren't we all tired of drug addicts and alcoholics killing innocent people on the road, costing taxpayer money in terms of police, rescue workers and court costs? Why should we continue to allow dangerous criminals to drive on our taxpayer-funded roads?

Oh sure, we're assuming that everyone behind the wheel is a criminal, but a driver's license is a privilege, not a right. If you have nothing to hide, you shouldn't mind going into the DMV, waiting in that excruciatingly long line, dropping your pants in front of a low-paid bureaucrat and pissing in a cup every time you get your license renewed. You don't want to do that? Well I suppose we could just take your blood instead. What's a little humiliation in the interest of saving money and lives?

I promise you, the minute some overpaid, coked-up, midlife-crisis douchebag in a Porsche has to pee in front of a grumpy DMV employee, these "drug test for (x)" laws will dry up pretty fucking quick.

Sarah Palin doesn't have maps

Remember Miss South Carolina? Back in 2007, she was asked during the Miss Teen USA Pageant why one-fifth of Americans can't find the United States on a map. Her response:

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some . . . people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over HERE in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children"

Today, during her bus trip to nowhere, Sarah Palin was asked about Paul Revere's ride. Her response:

“He who warned, uh, the, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringin’ those bells and, um, makin’ sure as he’s ridin’ his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that, uh, we were gonna be secure and we were gonna be free and we were gonna be armed.”

The difference between the two? Miss South Carolina was publicly humiliated and went on The Amazing Race, Sarah Palin, however, is one of the most influential figures in our politics and media and is treated like a legitimate candidate for the presidency. And she's complete moron. We'd probably be better off with Miss South Carolina, at least she's traveled outside of the United States before.

The Civil War was ENTIRELY about slavery

I haven't been watching a lot of news lately. MSNBC's terrible reporting makes me gag, CNN is too busy trying to show how cool they are since they're on the Twitters and the YouTubes, and Fox News is well, Fox News. So maybe I missed something, but I haven't heard a lot of talk about the American Civil War. You would think on the 150th anniversary of the darkest chapter in our nation's history would be something worth discussing. 9/11, significant as it was, can't go by without a 24-hour terror porn replay of the newscasts from the days events, yet the anniversary American Civil War, which left over 365,000 people dead, has gone by without much of a peep.

You know that cliché, "those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it"? Well, in an political climate where elected officials, not just tinfoil hat buffoons and charlatans like Glenn Beck and Andrew Breitbart, are telling Americans that they may need to take up arms against their government, the Civil War might be something we want to talk about. Michele Bachmann (R-Toon Town) wants her constituents "armed & dangerous," Sharon Angle talked about "Second Amendment remedies" if she lost the election against Harry Reid (she did... barely) and Texas Governor, Rick Perry, has been stoking the flames of secession for years now.

On top of all this, we have people who actually claim that the Civil War wasn't really about slavery. Google "Civil War not about slavery" and you'll find millions upon millions of results. Oh really, the Civil War wasn't about slavery? This guy begs to differ:

"Our new government is founded upon exactly the opposite idea; its foundations are laid, its corner- stone rests, upon the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery subordination to the superior race is his natural and normal condition. This, our new government, is the first, in the history of the world, based upon this great physical, philosophical, and moral truth."

Who said something so awful? The fucking Vice President of the Confederacy, Alexander Stephens. Yeah, slavery had NOTHING to do with it. Excuse me while I LOL.

So the next time some asshole tries to tell you otherwise, or even worse, if you have some lunatic teacher shoving some bullshit about "states' rights" (yeah, states' rights to own black people), read them that quote from Alexander Stephens. My ultra right-wing 9th grade history teacher tried to push that nonsense on us... and yes right-wingers, it's not just liberal indoctrination in schools, I wish I paid more attention when I was 14 to call him out on his bullshit.

The Civil War was ENTIRELY about slavery and as our population gets increasingly dumber, these kind of climates can reemerge. Not that I think Michele Bachmann is going to bring back the slave trade, but it contributes to this society of nimrods that think the Civil War wasn't about race and if we just get violent, the government will actually listen to them. That's dangerous and that's where America is right now.

10 Shocking Attacks in the GOP War on Women

Saw this over at the Corrupt Politics blog, who got it from MoveOn.org, and since we all know any mention of MoveOn will automatically be dismissed by right-wingers, I added my own links to cite each item.

Top 10 Shocking Attacks from the GOP War on Women

1) Republicans not only want to reduce women’s access to abortion care, they’re actually trying to redefine rape. After a major backlash, they promised to stop. But they haven’t.

2) A state legislator in Georgia wants to change the legal term for victims of rape, stalking, and domestic violence to “accuser.” But victims of other less gendered crimes, like burglary, would remain “victims.”

3) In South Dakota, Republicans proposed a bill that could make it legal to murder a doctor who provides abortion care. (Yep, for real.)

4) Republicans want to cut nearly a billion dollars of food and other aid to low-income pregnant women, mothers, babies, and kids. 

5) In Congress, Republicans have proposed a bill that would let hospitals allow a woman to die rather than perform an abortion necessary to save her life.

6) Maryland Republicans ended all county money for a low-income kids’ preschool program. Why? No need, they said. Women should really be home with the kids, not out working. 

7) And at the federal level, Republicans want to cut that same program, Head Start, by $1 billion. That means over 200,000 kids could lose their spots in preschool. 

8) Two-thirds of the elderly poor are women, and Republicans are taking aim at them too. A spending bill would cut funding for employment services, meals, and housing for senior citizens.

9) Congress will vote any day now on a Republican amendment to cut all federal funding from Planned Parenthood health centers, one of the most trusted providers of basic health care and family planning in our country.

10) And if that wasn’t enough, Republicans are pushing to eliminate all funds for the only federal family planning program. (For humans. But Republican Dan Burton has a bill to provide contraception for wild horses. You can’t make this stuff up).


How can anyone defend these politicians? The Republican Party has done a lot of really awful things in the last few decades, but have they ever just outright governed out of spite like this? These measures are pure cruelty.

Here America, have a trophy!

You're on the internet, surely you've gotten an email forward, or saw someone post on Facebook, some forward that talks about how America needs to get "tough." Whether it's complaining about welfare, taxes, or kids, there's no shortage of this stuff making the rounds online. One in particular sticks out to me, I even saw it posted on the wall of a sandwich shop when I was eating lunch last week. I'm not going to post the full thing, because it's preachy nonsense that makes me wretch, but you've probably seen it, it's usually falsely attributed to Bill Gates and is usually titled as "Rules Kids Won't Learn in School." It's actually from a book written in 1996 by a guy named Charles Sykes, but it's all about how "kids today" suck because they have healthy self-esteem.

Now I'm not going to rant in defense of the precious little snowflakes, I just bring it up so you know what I'm talking about. You've seen the forwards: "life isn't fair, get used to it," "I can't believe kids get trophies for everything nowadays," "life doesn't have summer break," blah blah blah. And of course, this shit gets passed around like the plague, usually it comes to your inbox as "Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: AMEN!!!!!!!1"

Yeah! Kids have it too easy, they need to learn life isn't fair! Games have winners and losers and only winners get trophies! Time to get tough, America.

Except it's not. People love to cheerlead this kind of stuff, but the minute you try to talk tough to an American adult, you get run out of town. Jimmy Carter told us to put on a sweater, don't be wasteful and don't be driven by consumerism. Of course, America responded to this by electing Mr. Sunny, Ronald Reagan... who drove the country further into the ditch and created the blueprint for the modern day Republican party... who drove the country off a cliff. How dare anyone in power tell us to be responsible and act like an adult? Screw you, I'm buying a Hummer!

Barack Obama came under similar criticism for his views on American exceptionalism. When asked, he replied, "I believe in American exceptionalism, just as I suspect that the Brits believe in British exceptionalism, and the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism." A perfectly reasonable, logical and mature explanation, of course idiots like Newt Gingrich took this as the opportunity to label Obama a "Kenyan, socialist, anti-colonial, secularist, (insert buzzword here)," etc. He might even be an Orc too, Newt's not sure. But that's the attitude of the right, if you don't believe America is the greatest country on the planet, if you don't believe that God himself drew lines on a map, pointed to America and said "that one's my favorite," then you're a dirty pinko socialist Nazi.

But yes, children who get trophies just for playing, that's the problem. In reality, the trophy thing isn't that big of a deal, because if they stick with the sport (or any other activity), many of them will soon be forced to sacrifice their childhoods in favor of meaningless structure and pressuring parents who want to make up for their own failures vicariously through the scholastic and athletic achievements of their children.

But that's another rant for another day. Point is, kids will soon learn the harsh realities of winning and losing through a variety of channels, but Americans in general who need a never-ending stream of smoke blown up their ass from their elected leaders? We're the people who need a trophy for everything. We rank 36th in the world in life expectancy (below Costa Rica and Cuba, slightly above Kuwait), we rank 37th in overall health care coverage, we rank 21st in literacy rates, 34th in math and science education, 33rd in infant mortality, and the middle class has evaporated... but hey, WE'RE #1!

If an American politician, someone with the ability to actually improve these statistics, pointed out those facts, they wouldn't even be elected Mayor of Wasilla. "How dare you?! America is the greatest country in the world!" usually said by someone who's never even left the county, let alone the country. "Love it or leave it, man!" usually said by someone with no counterpoint.

American exceptionalism of the Newt Gingrich variety is what got us into this mess. We were too arrogant, too naive and too distracted to notice the country crumbling all around us. It's the point people try to make with the non-issue of kids getting participation trophies, that it'll give them over-inflated self-esteem and they'll be in for a real shock when it's time to enter the real world and everything isn't handed to them. Well America, it's time to enter the real world.

There are other homeless people.

By now, you've surely heard about Ted Williams, the homeless man with an amazing radio voice who fell on hard times and was left homeless. While I'm thrilled to see this guy get a second chance and hope he makes millions of dollars, this story still pisses me off.

There's a shameful amount of homeless veterans out there, where are their viral videos? The Cleveland Cavaliers sure as hell ain't offering them any jobs and the media doesn't like to talk about it because it makes us sad. These are true American heroes, they put their lives on the line for their country and we welcome them back with a nice spot under the bridge for them to sleep. It's disgusting.

And not just veterans either, there are a lot of homeless people, period. What about the homeless factory workers? The homeless plumbers? The homeless truck drivers? People see these guys standing on a street corner with a cardboard sign, and yell "get a job, you bum!" Maybe the homeless man wound up on the street because he has a debilitating illness that left him broke after dealing with the insurance companies. Does he get job offers? No, he gets money thrown at him by teabaggers:



It's Susan Boyle all over again, someone that the average person would ignore or mock in a normal situation, but if they can entertain us, then we want to suddenly shower them with success. We don't need to help multiple people, just find one really good story to make us all feel good about ourselves for a week or two. It's disingenuous and sums up many American attitudes quite well, "oh sure, I'll help you out... if you dance for me first."